I’m sure by now you’ve all seen or heard about the recent cover of TIME magazine. If not, it was a mom nursing her child. No biggie, right? Well, her child is 3 (actually almost 4) and is standing on a chair in order to nurse while his mom stands with a hand on her hip.

Honestly, I like the photo. YAY for breastfeeding making it to the cover and yay for awareness of extended breastfeeding. It’s the title (“Are you mom enough?”) and the blurb (about attachment parenting moms going to extremes) that I hate. Obviously it was all done for controversy and it definitely worked – moms everywhere were in an uproar – about the title, the article, the photo…

Although I liked the photo, it’s clearly not how nursing a toddler typically looks and for people unfamiliar with extended breastfeeding, it may give the wrong impression or idea. Again, it was done just to stir the pot.

THIS is how nursing a toddler usually looks:

My son is about 2.5 years old. I never imagined I’d still be nursing him. My goal was always one full year of breastfeeding, but I’m not sure what I thought would happen after that… he’d magically just stop? I know your opinion on many things change once you actually have your baby, but even when Ryan was little, I thought “extended breastfeeding” was a little weird. Did I want to nurse my son if he was talking and asking for it? If he’d have memories of it later in his life? Weird.

But now I’m there. And I can easily say that it’s not weird at all. At least to me and my family and that’s all that matters, right?

Ryan was down to nursing just once a day. Then I got pregnant with Rebecca and he basically stopped. He was about one and a half. Sure, he’d still nurse here and there if he fell and hurt himself or something, but it wasn’t a daily thing and I thought he had weaned himself… I thought we were done!

But when I was a few months pregnant, he started back up again. I blogged about trying to prepare for two kids, with one of my “concerns” being breastfeeding. Would Ryan want more or less? Some people said their kids stopped nursing when the baby arrived because the milk was for the baby! But others said their kids nursed more.

Ryan? Nurses more. MUCH MORE. After Rebecca arrived, Ryan asked for “milkies” all the time. If Rebecca has it, Ryan has to have it. If Rebecca is on my lap, Ryan has to be on my lap. He was not about to give up his milk and mommy time now!

It did start to be a little much for me – if I wasn’t nursing her, I was nursing him (AH! touching overload!) – and our new rule is three times a day… Ryan gets to nurse in the morning, after lunch (before his nap), and after dinner (before bedtime). He does ask for it more often, but we’ve been pretty good with the new rule.

“Why don’t ya just nurse him till college?” Hardy-har-har. Why oh WHY is that a go-to phrase? It’s not funny in the slightest. Even if I begged and cried to get Ryan to nurse till college, I’m pretttttttttttttty sure that wouldn’t fly. And he’s two. Maybe he’ll be 3. Kindergarten is a long way off, let alone college. I bet more moms practice extended breastfeeding than you’d think… by that age, it’s only a couple of times a day, which means rarely (if EVER) does it occur in public. You’ll never see it. I know for us, it’s always at home – on the couch or in bed. You wouldn’t have a clue unless I told you… or if you were at one of my family events, Ryan fell and got hurt, and started crying for milkies.

He’s still my baby boy and he still needs his mama. No, I’m not going to pump it and put it in a cup (a comment I saw). At this point, it’s more about comfort and bonding than it is about nutritional value – so a cup defeats the purpose. Besides, YOU are never going to see us nursing in public as I mentioned above, so WHY do you care?

And with Rebecca around, nursing all day, how could I possibly refuse my baby boy, who is having a hard enough time adjusting to a new baby in the house? He already feels replaced and confused by Rebecca’s presence, how could I take away one of his favorite things that allows us to bond after a long day while he has to sit and watch Rebecca get milk instead? Not a chance.

If I hadn’t told you that Ryan was nursing in these photos, you would have thought we were just cuddling on the couch and it’d be oh-so-sweet. Well, he is nursing, and it’s still super sweet… there’s nothing “gross” or “disgusting” about it and I’m tired of seeing those words, used to judge another woman. We’re all moms, we’re all doing the best we can, and we’re all doing what’s right for us and our families. We all need support, not judgment. Being a mom is hard enough! <3

EDIT: do you have a photo of extended breastfeeding? of you nursing your toddler?? if you’d like to share, please email me your photo so I can put them all in a future blog post! erdickey at gmail dot com