C-Section thoughts and advice

Alright….

I do believe I ended up with a c-section because of my decision to get an epidural. As I said in my first birth story post, I don’t regret the epidural. I can’t. The pain was unbearable. So in that sense, I guess I should be ok with the ending c-section. But I also strongly feel that I was talked into it. I was worn down. And… after sitting in the hospital for 24 hours, I was exhausted.

For some women, an epidural helps labor progress because it takes away pain/tension and allows contractions to do their job. For probably the majority of women, an epidural slows labor down, and that’s where I fall. This led to breaking my water… then pitocin… then c-section. Why did I agree to pitocin? I’d rather have that work than end up in a c-section. Sadly, for me, it didn’t work.

A few months ago I was reading a story about how hospital nurses were starting to come forward and talk about how doctors were administering pitocin in high doses to purposely cause distress in the baby (“pit to distress”). Yes, I wonder about my OB… she had no idea who I was, we had no connection, she had no emotion. Plus, she upped my pitocin to a level of 24 when the max is supposed to be 20. Luckily, our baby never went into distress. His heart rate did rise from around 140 to around 160, but they never said anything about it.

What do I wish? I wish I had denied the c-section, at least at that time. I wish we had waited to see if I could get to 10cm and if I could have pushed this baby out. Too big to fit? Please, have you seen him?! 7 lb, 9 oz. I don’t think your body makes a baby it can’t fit.

But… no woulda, shoulda, coulda games. Right? It is very hard when people tell me that I got a healthy and happy baby and that’s all that matters. Of course it matters. And of course I’m deeply in love with Ryan. But it’s not the ONLY thing that matters… it doesn’t change the fact that I missed out on giving birth… one of the most incredible, natural, amazing experiences of life. I missed it. And when they were prepping me for the c-section and I asked the nurse what my chances were of ever having a vaginal birth, she said I most likely never would.

I know that’s not true. But I’m pretty terrified of it. Just a few weeks ago I overheard the receptionist at my clinic say a woman had just died when her uterus ruptured during a VBAC (vaginal birth after c-section) and that my clinic doesn’t even take VBAC patients (no loss there, I hate my clinic).

Yes, I’ve heard of ICAN and I’ve visited their site. They have no chapters where I live… I need to look into it more, just haven’t had time.

Yes, I’m disappointed in myself. And my advice for others??? If you’re completely serious about having an all natural birth, I’d look at a birthing center (or homebirth).

But, if you’re planning on getting an epidural and going to the hospital… I’d recommend a doula. I feel like if we had one there, she would have been able to remember for me what we originally wanted. She would have been able to stand ground for us when we were exhausted and confused. Who knows, I could have denied the c-section and still ended up  needing one later. But at least I would have tried. I was at 8cm.. so close.. and I didn’t try.

Also.. just know what to expect. Know how things work these days and that it’s very possible you end up in a c-section or end up trying to be talked into one. Know what pitocin is and what it does. Know what you want and write it down to have it by your side–in the heat of the moment, I basically forgot what I wanted or why. Have an open mind.

I researched so much.. I knew exactly what I wanted and didn’t want… and this is how it turned out. Anything can happen. I wish I had known that.

Some of you mentioned you had questions for me… I’d love for you to ask. Anything, really. It will help me to help you. If you’d prefer to ask privately, email me erdickey(at)gmail(dot)com

Thanks again for all the wonderful support, it’s greatly appreciated and extremely helpful.

87 comments to C-Section thoughts and advice

  • (BirthBabiesBlog from twitter) ICAN’s e-mail lists and message boards are also VERY helpful. After my first c-section I felt like you and when I went looking for a chapter, there wasn’t one in my whole state!!
    I started getting support through their email group and website, and eventually, barely 5 months after my first c-section, I started my own chapter. It has helped so much in my recovery, and I have also had the option of being able to help others in my local area. It is something to think about.

    You may also want to check out http://www.birthcut.com and maybe submitting your story will help in your healing.

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  • Hi Emily,

    I too had a c-section after laboring with my eldest. She was face up and i was having the worst back labour, contraction upon contraction so I begged for the epidural. i don’t think I would have been able to labour at all without it I was in agony. Unlike you though I progressed extremely quickly. I went from 1 to 10 cms in about 4 hours but as Ainsley was face up she was not progressing into the birth canal at all and attempts at turning her did not work. I pushed for 2 hours and finally I chose to have a section (the only thing I didn’t want to have). When they pulled Ainsley out, the doctor had to climb on the table as she was so wedged because of the pushing that they needed the leverage.

    I wanted to say that it was a traumatic experience and I mourned my loss of a natural birthing experience for awhile. Just know that you have a right to grieve what you wish your birthing experience had been. I am now at peace with the fact that I will not have a VBAC. With my second I debated up until the last week about whether to try but in the end I opted for c-section. This is my personal choice and I did a ton of research and in the end I made the decision that I was most comfortable.

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  • Kayce

    I just want you to know you could have birthed him vaginally. +1 means that the biggest part of his head and fit through the smallest part of your pelvis. If he had truly been stuck, he never would have made it past 0 station.

    VBAC has a rupture rate of less than 1 percent in spontaneous labor where the woman can move and is not inhibited at all. Did they tell you why she ruptured? Most times it is because they used to induce VBAC with pitocin and cytotec. It is very dangerous to do this and many babies died and many women had uterine ruptures.

    You truly are an amazing woman. Stronger than I ever was. Your son is so lucky to have you as a mother and I know that you will be able to have the birth you want someday.

    You are amazing, and don’t let anyone ever tell you otherwise.

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  • Thank you for an honest, reflective post that will surely be helpful to some other moms. Please don’t beat yourself up about this! And I completely agree with Danielle – I was seriously going to suggest starting your own chapter myself, she just beat me to it! *shakes fist*

    Please, again, be gentle with yourself. I have all the faith in the world that you will be able to have a VBAC next time. Finding the right doula could definitely make a big difference, and/or looking into various midwifery options.

    Big hugs!

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  • Always remember that you did nothing wrong! You ended up in a c-section by no choice of your own. When you’re ready to try again, find you a clinic that believes in VBAC!

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  • I am SO sorry that you didn’t get to have the birthing experience that you so wanted. I have been following your blog for a while now and am expecting my first in early March, so I’m right behind you. I too hope to have a natural birth, but reading stories like yours are really good for me. They help prepare me for what could happen. So thank you for sharing your story!! I am so happy that you are healthy and baby Ryan is doing well too. I know that doesn’t make up for the disappointment of your birthing experience though. So take the time to grieve and then enjoy your precious blessing!

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  • I found this post via Twitter and wanted to say that your birth experience sounds very similar to mine… except I ended up being put under general anesthesia for my C-section. (I’m not sure if you were put under, as I haven’t read your birth story.) The things that people say (“you should be grateful”, blah blah blah) are said because they don’t know what else to say, and I truly don’t think that most of them know how invalidating and hurtful they are being when they say that. Nevertheless, it is so tough to hear that because you feel like you should be more positive, but you can’t help the fact that you feel broken and devastated. I am so sorry for what you have gone through.

    This is a great website; read the essays!

    http://www.birthtruth.org/

    Take care of yourself. I feel like sending you an email…

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  • The way you ended up with your cesarean is the way most of us end up with ours: not enough education about the risks of those obstetrical interventions. In fact, I’d bet money that the majority of our 31.8% national cesarean rate is epidural and pitocin induced. Marsden Wagner wrote a book on it.

    If you want a story from a mother who got her VBAC, despite everyone’s insistence that it was impossible, you can read my story here: http://thefeministbreeder.com/jules-michael-birth-story

    Take care of yourself.

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  • emjaybee

    I’m so sorry it turned out that way. It is hard to know what all the would’ve/could’ve beens are. And it’s possible you would have had one even w/out an epidural (that’s what sucks about life, we never do get to find out if things would’ve been better another way).

    I can tell you, don’t be hard on yourself for not beating the system. The system is tough, and they hold almost all the cards. I can look back on my c/sec now and see what I would do, even how I would have a better c/sec if necessary, but when I was going through it, there was no clarity (I did have a doula, too; she was likewise overwhelmed). I know a LOT more now, but there was no way for me to have this knowledge when it happened, so I have let my past self off the hook. I was scared and I was confused and I didn’t understand what my rights were or what the research said. I wanted to believe in the system and let my doctor take care of me. Fear got me, and an exploitative system. That’s not my fault; it’s theirs.

    There was no ICAN group where I lived after my son’s birth, but I did get on the national ICAN email list, and it kept me sane. Also going to therapy, eventually :(, and time.

    It’s through Yahoo groups, so you have to get a Yahoo sign in, but, here’s the link:

    http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ICAN-online/

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  • theadventuresoflactatinggirl

    I recently listened to a podcast that was going over VBACs and the OB there said that you’re actually at more risk with multiple c-sections than VBACs. Her reasoning was that every time you have a c-section you create more scar tissue. Sometimes in later pregnancies the placenta can kind of fuse to the scar tissue and when this happens it’s either fatal or you have to have a hysterectomy. Obviously it’s more likely to happen the more scar tissue you have.

    Don’t forget that you can be so incredibly happy to have your baby and at the same time so incredibly sad that you didn’t get the birth you wanted. I didn’t even have a c-section, but it took me time to accept my birth not being the way I had planned (accidental home birth). I also believe that with the correct support, you could probably have a natural childbirth. I am a HUGE wuss and had horrific back labor for 33.5 hours and I still did it because my husband was there to coach me all the way through (Bradley Method). Good luck mama!

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  • I’m sorry things didn’t go the way you had planned… and reading your story makes me feel very lucky with how easy my labor was.

    I look forward to hearing more about your new life as a mama (how have these first few weeks been?!) and seeing pictures of Ryan!

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  • This is pretty much the exact same thing I went through when I had Peanut in March. I hated my FORMER OB and don’t trust him so god only knows if everything happened the way it’s supposed to in order for me to have a VBAC. I may be stuck with a c-section for #2. It is very disappointing.

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  • I’m so sorry you had to go thru this! I second everything written in the comments. I also agree that a healthy baby is important, but your feelings about what happened are also important. Go thru the grieving process. Start an ICAN chapter, start researching how a doula can help you. Make plans for the next birth.

    For anyone who would like a doula, but thinks she cant afford it, contact your local doulas and an if she knows of a doula in training or some one who is low-cost. Some doulas will barter or trade with clients so that you get the help you need!

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  • *big hugs* Like I said on twitter, Have compassion with yourself, and anger on your doctors/nurses. Yes, they didn’t do differently than most doctors, but that is EXACTLY the problem. Our maternity system is sicksicksick but women are passive and don’t stand up. Heck, i had my membranes ruptured without my permission and i’m still furious AND petrified of cervical checks (which is what she went in there for) and all this.. and i still haven’t filed a formal complaint yet. If only i wasn’t scared of confrontation :( But i know i have to because they should NOT believe they can do whatever they want to women’s bodies, or stretch the truth or whatever. It’s absolutely unacceptable.

    But it is not your fault! It is theres. You did what you could. You have ever right to be upset, but do not let yourself (even though it’s hard, my little incident i still have self-blame (I SHOULD have known better what she was doing when she began to hurt me, i’ve talked to many other women who had the same thing happen to them! etc) let alone in yours) blame yourself or be angry with yourself. Just compassion!

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  • Blue Moon Girl

    I will have to reread this and comment further when I’m more awake, but I wanted to say a couple things first.

    I equate your situation to a bully in school. A bully catches you at a time when you are at your most vulnerable and they beat you down until you give them your lunch money. The doctors and nurses caught you when you had been laboring for 24+ hours, you were tired, worn down, and worried about your baby and they bullied you into a c-section.

    Your strength comes in that not only did you labor for 24+ hours,but you gave birth to a gorgeous baby! You’re also strong in telling your story and getting the word out so that this hopefully won’t happen to others. You beat the bullies by standing up to them and stopping them from bullying others.

    Thinking of you!

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  • Angie

    Wow I’m so sorry you had this forced on you. I am right behind you, due at the end of March, and I’m worried about this potentially happening to me too. Please know that your post has prompted me to do some research and to talk to my OB about c sections. He has assured me that he will NOT do a c section unless it is absolutely necessary. I really like him and trust him and feel that he is in tune with my wishes. I have no idea how my birth is gonna go down but I hope I don’t get forced into doing things against my wishes like you were. I have created a birth plan which should hopefully help.
    Best of luck to you and your cute new babeh!

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  • amy

    Thanks for your the idea to always have your birth plan with you. I really like that. It would be a reminder from yourself at a more level headed and calm time. I am admittedly impressionable and extremely forgetful. Your journey is inspiring to me.

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  • Oh sweety, this must be so hard. I think it’s good you’re talking about it here, but I also think it would be good to talk about this with a professional or something? You don’t have to, but it actually altogether sounds like a pretty traumatic experience and it’s important to work through the frustration & helplessness you felt/feel.

    It’s pretty typical of us women to blame ourselves for things we can take no blame for: you gave off plenty of signals you didn’t want these interventions and any human being would have noticed them. They just decided to ignore your wishes and I suppose presume that you were too ignorant/unknowing in the medical department (as you’re not a doctor yourself) to make decisions they’d respect. Also, even if they did feel like this was not going to happen naturally, there is always the more NORMAL and human way of talking to a patient (a woman giving birth, darnit! Show some respect! Argh, it just gets me so mad…) and explaining exactly why things are going the way they are. So you’d know that they were hearing you and not just brushing your wishes aside.

    So, please don’t be mad with yourself. Get mad at the doctors and the night nurse who was such a robot.

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  • kia

    I really hope I didn’t online slap you in the face re: healthy baby and that is all that matters. I meant to write that healthy baby and healthy mom (who is recovering) is what is priority right now. Do get upset/sad and deal with this, it was traumatic, but get better and stronger first. I really hope you and your husband have been there for each other in the aftermath if Ryan has given you any down time to talk about what happened. You are essentially mourning not having the birth experience you wanted and being sliced open.

    Watching your tweets in the aftermath have been nice. I am so glad breastfeeding is going well and every time you post pics of your little boy he looks great.

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  • I am so sorry you were manipulated like this, it is my worst fear as well: to be manipulated when I am at my weakest. I am due in March, and I have had this conversation with my OB; luckily, I think he understands and respects my wishes. I am sorry your OB didn’t respect yours. Take care of yourself, and thanks for sharing!

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  • Audrey Star J

    Was good to read your story & advice. I had BabyCute (Dominic) in June, my first, with a C-section; was past due date, & he hadn’t even dropped, & was over 9lbs already, lol.

    I was told a VBAC should be fine for next time because there wasn’t any stress or emergency in getting D. out, just a quick, clean C-section. The whole process, from the needle in my spine, to the pulling my little one out, took about 17minutes…
    Besides having the staples pulled out, which was the worst pain I’d ever had in my life!!–I didn’t mind getting a C-section at all. I’d like to give birth naturally, but was perfectly fine with getting him out, getting it done with, & seeing my son :-)
    I would def. start to worry, though, if I kept having to have C-section, or rather, that they were “strongly suggested”. My Mother had 8 (yes eight!) of them, & it’s not a good idea…
    I’d be really angry if I was taken advantage of like that, but I’m glad that your son is great & it’s all over now. Live & learn & now you can be ok for next time. Good luck–& Ryan is beautiful!

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  • Although I was never fully convinced I WANTED a natural birth, after several hours of labor at home I got to the hospital at only 2 cm and knew I was too much of a wuss to make it to 10 without pain medication. Getting the epidural felt like the right decision – it still feels like the right decision – but just like in your case the next two steps were having my water broken and pitocin. I was lucky enough to be one of those women who fall into the “epidural helps them relax” category and a low level of pit helped me progress enough to have the vaginal birth I had imagined, but I could just have easily ended up with a c-section. It’s scary how quickly birth interventions seem to follow each other.

    There’s something about being a patient in a hospital bed that makes you feel helpless and awkward and submissive (maybe it’s the gowns) and even very strong willed women can lose their voices. Your advice to find a doula is spot on and I know several women who have had successful VBACs with the support of a good birthing center, but don’t focus too much energy on a not-even-conceived-yet child’s birth when you have a beautiful baby to love on.

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  • I followed your #twitterbirth and was very moved at your generosity of sharing one of the most pivotal moments of your life. I am very happy that you and Ryan are healthy and I want you to know that as a Doula, I know that successful VBAC is possible. It takes commitment, perseverance and a very, very supportive circle of people on your birth team.

    As a massage therapist, I can tell you that when labor begins with a VBAC, you will most likely feel contractions in your scar area first because the tissue is more fibrotic than the surrounding area, take it slow and have faith. Since muscle has memory and the uterus is one big muscle, it may rest at the point when the section took place (for you that was 8cm). Be patient, if baby’s heart tones remain good you have plenty of time and your uterus will realize it still has work to do and will begin contracting again. Try different positions and believe in your body. You can do it when you are ready.

    In the meantime, enjoy your beautiful boy and allow yourself forgiveness and healing. You did the best you could with what you had at the time. And that is all any of us can do.

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  • Please be gentle with yourself. It takes a while to recover from a csection, even longer from an unwanted one.

    There are too many similar stories. I have one too. I had been progressing some over 24 hours no epi no pit. Transfer to hospital from birth center for meconium. Friday night at 6 o’clock, suddenly everyone wants me to have an epi and pit, then all of a sudden non reassuring fetal heart tones. Argh. They speed me into the OR leaving my DH behind wondering wtf?

    It takes a little while to leave it behind for you too. All the research on VBAC and ICAN and such can wait. Heal yourself, body and soul and enjoy your babymoon. Then go kick some csection ass :-)

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  • Emily,

    Thanks so much for sharing. I think your experience really opened my eyes some more. I want to tell myself my experience will be better because I have different views of childbirth (I’m not as into it for the experience as some others) but at the same time I don’t want to be taken advantage of… Who does?

    My husband and I watched The Business of Being Born together, and we sorta get the whole “business” side of labor and delivery but at the same time I think we’re going into it hoping for the best and expecting the worse.

    It’s hard cause I want to get into the whole “natural” mindset but I know I will most likely ask for the epidural at some point, and that kinda kicks the rest of the plan out the door. I also think a doula would be great but I’m wondering if coughing up that expense is worth it to me… Or if I’m ok going into it with my husband… Which I kind of like the idea of more.

    The one thing I think I have going for me is that I like my OB, and her staff. I’m so sorry you don’t like your clinic. I also get that a c-section may happen for me… and I’m already ok with that. I think I worry more about feeling mad at myself after labor than the expereince of labor… So that’s why I’m a little afraid of setting goals that may change.

    I don’t know how to go into it now! lol. It’s good to set goal but what if I’m sad for months after cause I didn’t accomplish them? I’d rather just expect the worse, but I don’t want that either. It’s like being between a rock and a hard place!

    I appreciate so much you sharing your story, it really opens my eyes to what can happen to ANYONE! But what makes me feel so sad is you being sad :( I hate that they made you feel bad about yourself. This is suppose to be a happy time and they took part of that from you.

    Ok my question: What would you suggest I specifically ask my OB about c-section rates, pitocin, etc? And when is a good time to do this and talk about a birth plan? Did you do this? I’m guessing it’s better earlier than later so you can switch OBs if necessary, but at the same time I don’t want it to seem too premature.

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    Baby Dickey Reply:

    Jenn, thanks for your comment… I’m so glad to know that I’m helping others who have yet to give birth. And yes, it is hard sometimes to be hurt and upset over my birth, but at the same time- so happy and so in love with Ryan! Don’t worry about me too much, Ryan takes the majority of my time (and my thoughts) and I have much less time to dwell on my labor. And Ryan makes me happy :)

    I answered your questions in a new blog post because I got some questions from people by email too… so check that out.

    If you’re already accepting of a c-section and are a little bit less concerned over the “how” of your labor, I think you have much less to worry about. You may end up with an unnecessary c-section though, and that’s what you really need to be ok with. I would have been (more) okay with a c-section if it had been an emergency and absolutely necessary, you know?

    You may be able to find a doula that will do it for free (or very cheap) just by asking. Someone on twitter actually offered to come to my birth to help us basically for free, but we said no thanks. For some reason I feel like a doula is more important to have if you want the natural route, but I’m sure they’re helpful anyway. Some people say they’re great to have around so your husband can get some rest or leave and get some food. But.. my mom was there most of the time and she filled in for Steve when he wanted a break (happened twice in 24 hours–for food). So… it depends I guess on who you have around you and what support you’ll have.

    Best of luck and let me know if you have any other questions! I hope I’ve helped and not confused 😉

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  • Everyone –
    I just don’t have time to reply to each of you (my most recent post took me 3 hours to write, thanks to a crying baby :)), but I want all of you to know that I REALLY appreciate you taking the time to write. Your thoughts and stories are very helpful to me and I am especially happy to know that I am helping many who have yet to give birth. So.. thanks to all of you!!!

    (Kia- you absolutely did not slap me in the face on twitter. I love support from everyone and although it may be hard for me hear something like “a healthy baby is all that matters”, I know everyone only means well and is trying to help. Besides, it is true! It’s just hard to hear because it makes me feel like I shouldn’t be upset about my birth… but I know I have every right to be and I completely know that’s not what you (or anyone else) meant. No worries!!! and thank you!)

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  • Katrina

    I had a similar story…planned natural birth that ended in C-section after pitocin and epi…they claimed the cord around the baby’s neck caused distress…but I am willing to bet it had a lot to do with the drugs and unbearable contractions.

    I had a home birth VBAC with my second child. He was born at 42 weeks and 10.5 pounds of healthy baby. We all do the best we can in the situation we are faced with at the time. I know it’s hard to let go of an unplanned c-section. But all you can do is forgive yourself and use your new knowledge to try to do better next time :) Best of luck.

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  • (((hugs))) I’m sorry you experienced this.

    I’ve had three births, I have a high risk condition and it’s safer for me to give birth in a hospital, however with 2 of my three births I had doctors, nurses, and doulas who supported me in natural birth, so two of my three births were incredible and beautiful, despite them being in a hospital.

    My second birth could easily have turned out somewhat like yours, and I felt very very angry after it, on one hand I was wiser because I had had a first birth experience and knew that my labors are very long (mine have all been over 30 hours), however with this second one the nurse, and the doctor were completely dismissive of me, they were patronizing, they kept lecturing me that all that mattered was a healthy baby, I had to fight to be able to walk because my leg was paralyzed from the epidural (I had two support people to help hold me up) and they pushed pitocin on me that i didnt want. I got an epidural with that one because the hospital was too full when I arrived and i had to wait in admitting for 7 hours, I was cold, uncomfortable, listening to half a dozen other suffering laboring women (some on the floor, crying). Anyways, like you, I blame my experience on getting the epidural in the first place, as soon as you get an epidural you lose some of your autonomy, the freedom to move, and like you, it slowed my labor way down.

    I healed from that horrible birth by having a nice third birth, and my anger is mostly gone, but reading stories like yours, I can feel it on your behalf, coupled with my own. Those medical folks think they’re doing the right thing, but they’re so used to bullying birthing women in order to get done what they’ve been taught is right that it’s normal to them to disregard our feelings and distress.

    Your baby is beautiful, you are too, what a cute family the three of you make. I wish you the best on your healing journey, and I hope that you get to have a beautiful subsequent birth.

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  • Jenn

    I am so sorry you did not get the birth for which you hoped. Take care of yourself – remember it’s OK to mourn your birth experience. It’s so hard for people who have not been there to understand how you can be thrilled with your child but so unhappy with your birth experience. 18 months of therapy for PTSD after my c-section taught me that the two are entirely unrelated. That I may never be OK with my birth experience, but I’m OK with the fact that I’m disappointed & angry. My feelings are valid & so are yours.

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  • I can so totally relate… and I just wanna cry right now! My oldest is 6 and ended up being an emergency c/s. They said he was in distress… but I had only been in labor for 5 hours, had dilated to an 8 and he was well into the birth canal, when they decided to slice me open and wrench him out. I feel like you do, that my decision to have an epidural might have had something to do with it and I’ve struggled with so many emotions surrounding his birth. With my 2nd son (now 4) I wanted an VBAC and my OB talked me out of it. She said I could possibly rupture and my life & the baby’s would be at risk. So I foolishly believed her and we scheduled a 2nd c/s. Now I’m 28 weeks pregnant with our 3rd. I have armed myself with so much knowledge & numbers & statistics. I am going in with guns blazing & I’m gonna try for the birth I want. I can’t birth at home but I’m determined to make the most of a hospital birth… and I hired a doula. I’m sorry so many women have to go through this, and most doctors choose convenience over healthy mom & baby (both physically & emotionally).

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  • And you story, JUST LIKE MINE, is the reason I’m training to be a doula. I KNOW if I had had an advocate, someone other than my husband (who knew zilch about child birth) to remind me why I wanted the things I wanted, I would have held out.

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  • Christina

    I think you just wrote my story… I think you just wrote the story of many C section moms. The whole “You got a healthy baby and you are fine” line is true, but it doesn’t recognize that it’s not the best birth experience or one anyone who hasn’t been through a C can even try to understand.

    Lots of luck with your handsome little boy!

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  • sadiebetty

    Wow. You are brave because you’ve shared all this, that’s why. I just want to say…be patient with yourself, your healing process. Sometimes challenging or even traumatic experiences serve a purpose, and make way for better ones. Just taking this first step at recognizing the unfair system that did not work for you and everyone’s role in it is extremely powerful.

    I have a feeling that you are going to go on to birth a perfect baby vaginally someday…it’s mamas like you (and me!) that learn from these experiences and do everything in their power to make the next time better, or to reach out and help others like us. Many, many blessings!

    ~a scarred mother of an unnecessarean who went on to birth gently at home the next time :)

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  • Leta

    Wow. I’m so sorry to hear that you didn’t get the birth you wanted. I know with my section I was so excited about the baby and so disappointed with the delivery. When I’d try to voice my disappointment (very mildly) to my friends, they would look at me like I was nuts! They were like, “Who cares? Everything turned out fine.” Not really.
    I honestly think that the main thing that went wrong here was an unsupportive birth team. A supportive birth team can be so hard to find (or impossible, depending on your circumstances or where you live). They didn’t offer you any suggestions for natural pain management, they offered no encouragement. I’m so sorry. And you know, I’m not one of those people who can be in pain and be confident standing up to doctors giving a “worst case scenerio” that may or may not be true. I have no idea how those women go in and just take charge of their births in the face of having to fight everyone. I think I’d go unassisted first! It sounds like you did a great job. This was so the birth team’s fault.

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  • Hi, there! I am sorry things didn’t go as planned! I am on a mission to educate women (well, encourage women to educated themselves) about delivery and they way hospital births seem to be going nowadays. It seems MOST women have not a clue in the world that they themselves have at least a 1 in 3 chance of being forced into a C-Section! Or the dangers of all of the hospital interventions. It makes me sick. You are super educated and I believe empowered by what you went through. I also believe that your story can be used as encouragement and also enlightening for other women. Would you mind if I reposted your birth story to my blog? It’s almost brand new but my goal for it is to get the word out about midwifery care and natural childbirth in an encouraging, enlightening way! And I love your story because of your honesty. Thanks! Heather

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  • Andrea

    Wow. *tears in eyes*
    I agree with what others have said in the comments.
    You have given us a gift by sharing your story. Take time to grieve. Be easy with your self.
    One thing I want to add is my suggestion for you to look up other VBAC stories when you are planning your next baby. Google VBA2C, VBA3C, VBA4C, VBA5C … yes, women have given birth vaginally after 5+ C-sections! It will help you to get your head into the certain possibility for your self.
    (((HUGS)))

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  • Thanks so much to everyone who has commented… every bit helps and the support here is incredible. Every comment I get makes my eyes water a bit… thank you.

    Hethir – absolutely, feel free to post my birth story. Same goes to anyone else! No need to ask me, but I’d love if you left a link of where it is so I can see it :)

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  • Kat

    You did a wonderful job. All I can say is a course that helped prepare me for what to expect in labor and at the hospital was “The Bradley Method”. Is that offered near you? Perhaps you will get a second chance with your second child. Also the OB’s tend to be the most invasive not wanting to sit on their hands. Hopefully you can find a good, friendly Family Practitioner with OB that will do VBAC. I wish your beautiful family the best! Way to go!

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  • Hey! I responded to your email, also! I will post your story as soon as I have time! Hopefully tomorrow (Monday) afternoon or Tuesday AM. Here is my blog address: wombknittings.blogspot.com

    Thanks again!!! :-)

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  • Miranda

    This is my birthstory too.

    I’m a failed VBAC as well to the stars not aligning on the day of a post-date visit. My non-VBAC section turned into GA! This is all so frustrating.

    Big Hugs!

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  • Cindy

    When I read your story, I realize that some things happen to us because we are the best way for others to learn. You are so insightful, and so many women will learn from YOU, who has gone through the system and is so willing to talk about it. How else could some women know what it is like out there in those hospitals? I teach childbirth ed, and women don’t always believe ME when I tell them about what they’ll be convinced to do while in labor. But your story–it is golden. I hope you realize what a gift this is!! Whatever your beliefs, please know that you must have been chosen to go through this for others to learn from your experience. Blessings…

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  • The Good Doctor

    First of all I am very sorry to see your reaction and disappointment to the fact that you had a cesarean section. Part of this comes from the fact that the cesarean section has been over-used and women really have no faith in the medical system. I would however, like to address some of the things you make reference to because I think there are some misunderstandings and misconceptions that are only being fed by some of the more vocal women here.

    I have never personally used “pit to distress” a baby and I think what you are making reference to is something called a nonreassuring fetal heart rate tracing. Some babies will do this with regular contractions and some will do it with pitocin. The problem lies when a baby starts having fetal distress in labor that is controlled with pitocin. Many hospitals will have protocols in place (designed by the horrible doctors) that the nurses are to undertake if this happens. In some cases, the issue is what do you do if a baby is not tolerating labor? You stop the pitocin and do normal procedures like oxygen and repositioning. If the distress resolves then you slowly start the pitocin again. In many cases it will not return and it can be that the contractions were hypersystolic or too close together. What then if it returns? Many physicians will say, go ahead and continue with the pitocin because contractions are necessary for the baby to come out and if the baby cannot tolerate labor then we need to consider a cesarean. Is this right or wrong? I suppose it depends on you and your opinions really. These supposed “nurses” that are coming forward claiming doctors are using pitocin to distress are as responsible if they are increasing the pitocin. There is no law that they need to do what the doctors order and a good nurse will call the doctor and ask why if they feel there is something wrong. They can also refuse. The maximum amount of pitocin is not 20mu. The maximum level for pitocin administration is 30mu and you being at 24mu is perfectly safe. If your baby was not tolerating this level because your contractions were too close then this would not be appropriate.

    “I don’t think the body makes a baby too big to fit” 300 years ago I would have agreed with you on this, maybe even 100 years ago. The reason I say that is because women that had an unfavorable pelvis would have died in labor and those genes would not have been transmitted to future generations. This is simple genetics. This trait would not have survived and so women with a gynecoid pelvic shape would have had genetic dominance. With the advent of the cesarean section and used for those patients that might have had too narrow of a pelvis these women and their children survive and this pelvic shape (android) continues to reproduce and live (obviously a wonderful thing), but they transmit that pelvis to their female offspring and this could be part of what elevates the cesarean rate. The second issue I have with this statement is that you are taking into account a normal diet in a country that is overrun by obesity. Those women do make babies that are too big to fit, because the American diet is wrought with calories not necessary.

    Women have died during VBAC, but the number is very small. You simply need to call around and find a provider that performs VBAC, although their numbers are dwindling and it has everything to do with litigation and nothing to do with research. Many of the angered authors on this thread are angry because they are not being heard, and this is unfortunate that they do not have a larger voice, but I am aware that certain malpractice carriers will recommend to their OB’s that they not do VBAC or that they might not be covered; what would you do in this instance?

    The biggest tragedy here is you feeling like you should have tried or held out longer and I hope that you are able to release this feeling someday. I would agree that homebirth or a birthing center would be a wonderful option for most women. In Canada the midwives are the first line provider and if there is an issue they call the OB. A wonderful model, but not the one we employ in this country, and I do not feel it will be changing any time soon. The Business of Being Born is propaganda and while it definitely brings up many flaws and issues it offers a very biased view of the system; rightfully so if you are a member of ICAN.

    This post may never see the light of day if you choose to not post it, and I would understand why. This post will also garner the wrath of those who promote their own agenda and have swallowed some other disappointment in their own lives to the point where they now have chosen altruism as an outlet. Fighting the system with anger and hatred will not make it change, it will only breed the same from the other side. It will not change the should-of could-of that you are dealing with. It will only be cause to hang on to it longer; a wound that you are already trying to heal.

    I am anonymous for fear of the expected negativity that will no doubt come from those that patriotically push their agendas. I wish you the best and hope that you experience a successful VBAC. You have a gorgeous little baby with huge eyes. I wish we could all see through them.

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  • Nurse Naomi

    I’m sorry you’re disappointed with your birth experience. As a mother, I can empathize with you. Despite being a nurse I still did not experience what I expected during labor. It is your birth but nobody “took advantage” of you. Nobody forced you to do anything you didn’t want to do. Did you not have to agree to a cesarean? Was not your husband there with you?

    Maybe the epidural stalled you labor. You said you couldn’t do it without the pain relief though. Maybe the pitocin forced you into a cesarean. Who knows whether you could have even pushed the baby out yourself? I didn’t have an epidural and am very small like you are. My baby was born small as well. She was 6 lbs 2 oz. I didn’t have pitocin, did everything the way you had planned and still ended up with a cesarean. Some of us just don’t have the bodies to handle it. Please look at it from a different perspective if you can.

    You and your baby could have died if you didn’t have the option of a csection. Would you have preferred that? Would you have preferred to subject yourself to the pain for hours just to find out that you still needed the cesarean? Hindsight seems 20/20 but in the medical field it isn’t at all. You never know what COULD have happened. Thankfully you are alive and safe as well as your baby. You can try for a VBAC. I definitely will. I just know that the same thing may happen again. In that case, I would mentally prepare yourself.

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  • Her and her baby probably would have been perfectly fine if there was no pit to distress to begin with.
    I sat and watched her birth on twitter all night long with a heavy heart because all they did to her, they did to me with my first baby.
    The fact that it MAY have saved her doesn’t change anything.. The section was CAUSED by the providers who took advantage of her.

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  • emjaybee

    Dear Medical Professional commenters – you need to realize that you are talking to someone who is a) not your patient, and b) is dealing with what, from her perspective, was a coerced birth process.

    You have the right to your opinions, but just because, you personally are wonderful medpros (and you probably are) who would never coerce a patient..it happens. I have nurses in my family, and they have seen it–pit to distress, too-early c/secs leading to premature babies, brutal treatment of laboring women, and so on.

    We only recently got rid of routine episiotomies in this country, and they had never been proven to have any therapeutic benefit. We STILL insist on confining most laboring women to bed on their backs, the absolute worst way to labor, if not outright than by tethering her to monitors that can’t be moved, numbing her with an epidural, etc.

    You cannot look at risks unless you include iatrogenic risks–risks that hospital practice itself causes–and it is long past time to take a hard looks at our use of Pitocin, restraint, lack of food or drink, induction, and too-strict timetables–not to mention skyrocketing c-sec rates–in terms of what risks those practices introduce in themselves. Our maternal and infant mortality rates are still too high in comparison to other countries with equally advanced medicine.

    Birth practice in the hospital needs to be questioned and reevaluated from the bottom up. And while that my be threatening to you, if you care about your patients as you claim, you should be willing to entertain the idea that their well-being is more important than what makes you comfortable.

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  • Medically minded commenters:

    I understand you deal with labor and delivery as your job. So do I. But, I do not go around commenting on women’s posts about how they felt about their births saying they could have died and they are the ones that are to blame for what happened. That is slimy and low.

    I stayed up all night with this woman watching her labor and trying to reassure her through it. I wish I could have done it in person. She is an incredibly strong woman, and she fought far longer than most women could have.

    If she hadn’t needed the epidural, or the pitocin, or the cesarean, sure things would have been different. But, just because a woman needs an epidural does not mean that she needs to keep having pitocin upped because the baby is not descending as you would like it to. She could have had her baby just fine without the interventions that were pushed on her.

    And not all doctors and nurses are like the ones she had. I had a few great nurses and have met a few great doctors. The problem here is that this woman was meant to feel like her body failed. No one was in distress, no one needed to have surgery. Mom and baby were doing great, and the doctor got inpatient and took her in for a cesarean.

    You can only fight so much during your labor before you give up and give in.

    So please, next time you decide to comment on a post like this, think before you type. This is a real woman that had a very traumatic birth. Use your brain. Stop being a robot.

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  • J

    Big hugs to you sweetie! I totally relate to what you went through and the feelings you are still processing. Just wanted to show you love and support. (Which is what everyone should be doing!) XOXO

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  • Another Doctor

    How was the consent not informed? I just ask because it seemed as though she was informed going in.

    She knew the risks of getting an epidural.
    She knew that having an epidural exponentially increased her chances of winding up with a cesarean.
    She had the choice to say no to Pitocin.
    She had the choice of delivering her baby at a hospital from which she received medical services she found unfavorable to begin with.
    She had the choice to have her water broken.
    She had the choice to leave the hospital at any point during the delivery.

    She didn’t speak up. I hope this inspires everybody to SPEAK UP. Don’t be shy or scared of your doctors and nurses. MOST of them work to help you and ensure safety to you and your baby. Are health care professionals required to read your mind and know how much a natural birth means to you? Will they be the ones haunted by a bad birth experience months after it occurred? The answer is no.

    The suggestion that doctors and nurses are “in a rush” to get you a cesarean and out the door is mostly untrue. The fact is, the longer the baby remains undelivered once the bag of waters has been ruptured, the better the chances of acquiring an infection. But of course, as most of you are birth experts, you probably know this.

    I suggest that if you are so disappointed with your experience that you write to the board at your hospital, file a complaint, and sue your doctor. You probably will not feel any better until you do something to prove that your doctors and nurses did not give you INFORMED consent to others and to yourself.

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  • Beth

    To Another Doctor:
    She did speak up – I was there. She did tell her doctor that the last thing she wanted was a C-section, but the Dr. pretty much talked her into it at a very distressing time during labor. She wasn’t scared of her nurse or her doctor. She asked questions to nurses and the doctor. The doctor was cold and uncaring with no emotional connection whatsoever. No smile, no warmth, no smiles. Why make such comments to someone who obviously feels badly about this? Yes – she had a choice but she trusted that the doctor was doing the right thing to help her have her baby naturally.

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  • I read my post again to see if there was a reason these medical people decided to come out and make me feel awful. And I can’t really figure it out… seriously, what was your point in coming to my blog, reading my story–where I obviously convey that I’m depressed and upset about it–and leaving comments to make me feel WORSE? Did that make you feel better about yourselves? Did you accomplish anything?

    Yes, I gave consent for everything. BUT… if you read my whole story… I refused breaking my water twice before they said I might have an infection and they had to break my water to see if there was one. I refused pitocin 4 times. You get to a point where you’re worn down. You’re made to trust in your doctors and nurses and understand they’re doing what’s best. So the 5th time they said I needed it, I caved.

    When they said I needed a c-section, I had been in labor for 48 hours (24 of them at the hospital). I was exhausted, in pain and confused. I DID say no and I sobbed. The OB stared at me stone-faced, she did not care at all. She DID know my plans for a natural birth and how important it was to me because I had printed birth plans. Plus, I said no. And I was sobbing. I couldn’t even finally say yes to the c-section, I looked at my husband and he had to say it for me.

    Yes, I consented to it all, but they DID take advantage of a first-time mom who was exhausted and confused. They took advantage of the trust I placed in them. I had major surgery and my baby was not in distress. All I needed was more time. And I even admit in my post that I may have taken more time and may have ended up NEEDING a c-section anyway. I would have been ok with that. I’m completely okay with c-sections when people NEED them.

    My c-section was 12 hours after my bag of waters was broken. I had plenty of time to spare before worrying of infection. That wasn’t a reason they gave for me “needing” the surgery. They said he was too big to fit/was stuck. But I was at 8cm and +1 station.

    To Nurse Naomi: “You and your baby could have died if you didn’t have the option of a csection. Would you have preferred that?” WHO THE HELL SAYS THAT? Think before you type. If you’re trying to make a point, make an intelligent one with facts (like the first medical commenter was able to do). Obviously I wouldn’t prefer we were DEAD. As I said, I appreciate c-sections for people who need them and I’m aware of the fact I may have ended up needing one anyway. But I didn’t need one at the time it was given.

    “Would you have preferred to subject yourself to the pain for hours just to find out that you still needed the cesarean?” YES. and next time I plan on doing just that, thank you.

    To The Good Doctor: thank you for your factual points–especially the one on pelvic size. You’ve educated me and that’s a good way to make your point (unlike the other recent comments on here). I’d actually like to talk with you more… and am glad to hear you say you’ve never used “pit to distress.” But that doesn’t mean it hasn’t been done. And you say if a baby goes into distress, hospitals stop pitocin and take measures to resolve it…. from every story I’ve read, that is just not true. But if that’s the case where you work, that’s amazing. In my experience, a baby in distress goes straight to surgery.

    And I agree that our voices should not be heard in anger, that’s not the way to fight this. Which is exactly the reason I have not yet written to my OB to explain how I feel about what she did. I do not want to sound angry in my letter, I want to be clear-headed. However, my birth story posts may have come off sounding very angry because I WAS very angry (and still am)–but I have every right to be.

    I am mourning the loss of the birth I wanted and anger is one of the stages.

    What I don’t get is that you medical people came here to almost rub it in my face. Yes, I blame my doctor, but… I more so blame myself. I blame myself for not saying no ONE more time, for not being stronger, for not being successful… that I did end up giving consent. That is exactly what I struggle with and what makes me cry, still 9 weeks later. So why come here and post that? To make me feel worse? Do you have nothing better to do with your time? I’m trying to heal and I’m trying to share my story so that other women can be aware and be stronger than I was.

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    RC Reply:

    I am so sorry that people were leaving negative comments about your experience. My sister also had a c-section that was not part of her birth plan. Her 2nd baby is due on Friday and she is very much hoping for a VBAC. I think she had a better experience w/her doctor than you did and I can only hope you have a better OB for your subsequent experiences. Your blog is an inspiration and I hope the healing process continues for you.

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  • Karen Bridges

    That is terrible you were attacked like that. I also had a c-section, bcz my son was breech and we could not turn him so I had no choice. I ended up getting deathly sick, contacting a staph infection from the c-section(I went through months of home health, son is now 5 1/2 months) and you are right, it’s major surgery. He was my 2nd and last baby and I too wanted maybe not so much “natural” but a vaginal birth and I was crushed but I did what I had to do through the advise of my OB. I would love to talk to some Mom’s about how c-sections can go very wrong, not to scare anybody, but when I was pg everyone acted as if (the section) was a piece of cake and it’s NOT! I came home and within a few days had a horrible temp and was in the hospital for 15 days without my sweet baby boy. I had a wound vac and had to have my MIL take care of my children while hubby took care of me. I could go on and on, but I wanted to say tha I am so sorry that you were attacked and that you did not get the birth you planned. I truly know how you feel.

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  • Ashlie

    I enjoy your blog and read it when I find time (I have a 3 yo). I was faced with an emergency c-section at 34 weeks due to toxemia (with NO symptoms prior to my 34 week appointment). I left my dr’s appointment and went straight to the hospital (attached). Got there at 4:37 pm and gave birth to my son at 5:02 pm. I never in a million years thought I would have a c-section, but it turned out to be the least of my worries as my son ended up having a pneumothorax and was on a vent for a week (but out a week later, thank goodness).

    It is ashame that everyone is judgemental, but obviously everyone has opinions. My son (Keller) is now a super big and healthy boy that is totally happy and thriving. He could care less how he came into the worls and frankly neither do I. I appreciate the fact that you use your blog to share in your frustrations and experience, but you also make it clear that every situation is different.

    I will never have the opportunity for a V-Bac because I had a nasty incision due to the urgency of the surgery.

    It would probably do you a work of good to talk to your dr. I had A LOT of time to think about my birth since I could not really interact with my son until he was off the vent and I came to the conclusion that everything happens for a reason. My son’s birth made me a much stronger person and now I am proud of my scar and my story.

    You are a Mom to a beautiful baby boy and that should be what matters most. I am sure you will be one of the proud few to get to say that you experienced birth in both ways!

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  • Becca M

    Emily, I am sorry about what these medical experts are doing to you. You were taken advantage of. The medical experts that posted on here should be ashamed. You are obviously very hurt and upset about your unnecesarean and people should not make you feel bad about yourself. You are a beautiful mommy and you did everything you could. You are completely right, you were taken advantage of because your were a first time mommy and the doctors and nurses were tired of waiting around. It is horrible that people have nothing better to do than to come here and scrutinize you. You did speak up, you were strong, you did all that a woman, exhausted and in pain, after 48 hours of labor, could do, and more. You should be proud that you held them off for as long as you did. I am truly sorry your fisrt birthing experience was not what you dreamt it would be, and I hope your next is everything you hope for and more.

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  • :( Sorry these people are bringing back memories and making you feel bad about yourself. You shouldn’t feel bad, really. I’m not going to say blame others to make you feel better (not that I think you are doing that at all) but I do think you should do what a few have said, and what you mentioned you wanted to do and talk to/email your OB. I’d LOVE to hear her response to everything you have been feeling. I can’t help but feel like her response may do something to make you feel a little better some way or another, maybe it’ll get that off your chest if anything just letting her know how you feel… I just hate seeing you keep it all in, and reading that you still feel so bad about it :( *hugs* girlie. I’m praying your mourning isn’t for much longer!

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  • Brittney

    Doctors and nurse have a duty to first and foremost do no harm. The progression of your labor sounds appropriate.
    Also, there are several “rules” of labor that medical professionals follow that you may not be aware of, and the research you may have done does not may up for medical school/nursing school and practical care and experience as a healthcare provider.
    The doctors aren’t trying to convince you to do anything. The doctors are telling you what in their medical opinion in the best course of action. You can choose to agree or not. You have the right to refused medical treatment, but they also have a right to refuse to treat you. They cannot leave in the middle of a case, but there are many groups of physicians who’s birthing contract stipulates you cannot have “birth plans” or “doulas” because of many expecting mother who want to “run the show” during the birthing process.
    I constantly hear people say things alone the lines of “women have been doing this for thousands of years”… well the fact of the matter is that yes, women have been doing this since the dawn of time, but up until the last 100 years, with the many advances of modern medicine, childbirth was one of the most common ways many women died. in fact, its is a very common way many women still die in third-world countries.
    For example, your MD said that the baby was too big to be delivered vaginally. Perhaps what they meant was that your pelvis was too small. I say that because my 7lb 6ounce baby had a small head, and was not a huge baby but could still not be delivered vaginally. I labored for 48hours on cytotec and pit. Never went past 0 station. dilated to 8 and stayed put. After the wonderful Doctor finally pulled my wonderful, beautiful baby boy out of me, and the dust had a chance to settle he told me that my pelvis was the size of a coke can and he would have never came out on his own. That Doctor, and modern medicine for that matter, saved my son and I from dieing during childbirth.
    I really think that the Doctors and Nurses did what was in yours and your sons best interest. You are right to say “it is their job” but it really more than that. Their goal is to advocate for the patients and to help you make informed decisions, but sometimes you should really listen to them and trust their better judgment, after all, they have brought many more babies in the world that you and they know what they are doing.

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  • Brittney,

    Seriously?! Did you not read the birth story? There was nothing wrong with her or her baby. They were both doing fine, no infection, no distress, they were just tired and needed more time. Have you ever been taken advantage of during a very emotional and tiring time in your life? That is what happens during labor. You are tired, you are hungry, and you don’t remember why you wanted certain things. Telling a woman that a doctor saved her and her baby’s life by performing an unnecessary cesarean just makes it worse. She consented, but how was the consent given? Not in a medical emergency. Just because the doctor got tired and a cesarean was the simplest way to go.

    Why does a doctor get to decide what happens with YOUR body just because they have experience? Do they know your body better than you do? Have they followed you around your entire life and know the ins and outs of you? No. Sure doctors and nurses are trained to care for patients, but what is to stop them from taking complete control of a process that doesn’t need to be controlled? Women follow blindly because the doctor knows what they are doing, but lately they are causing more harm than good. 1 in 3 women do NOT need to have their baby’s surgically. 1 in 3 women do not need to be beaten down during labor and told they will never have a baby vaginally when they are progressing and everything is going fine. 1 in 3 women do not need to be told that their body is flawed and their baby was too big.

    It is such a cop out. If you haven’t read this story, I suggest you do. It sounds like you are just a bandwagon groupie and didn’t read the emotion and the anger in this story. I suggest you go back and try to understand before you comment on something you don’t understand.

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  • I did read it. I my feelings remain the same.

    I tend to think that women who want to have an experience birthing that they control need to have their children at a birthing center. They embrace this sort of thing much more readily.

    If you are going to employ the services of medical staff, you are entrusting them with you care. You always have other options. But I stand by the fact that if you involve a medical team, you should let the professional do their job. You wouldn’t walk behind the counter at McDonalds and instruct the fast food associate how to properly assemble a Big Mac, would you? Then why on earth would you think you have better judgement abilities about delivering a baby that someone who does it every day? The who “knowing your body” arguement is jack, really. Unless you’ve had other babies, then no, you do not know who your body will react to the birthing process.
    Having anything, especially bringing life into the world, not go as planned can be bothersome, but I don’ t think its something that should be mourned. The bottomline is that both mother and baby are happy and healthy. Who cares about the rest, really?

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  • Wow, Brittney. Open your eyes. Who cares about the rest? I do. Lots of women do. Of course I’m happy my baby and myself are healthy. But my birth experience was extremely important to me. I feel it’s one of those once in a lifetime opportunities… something magical and wonderful that women get to experience… and I missed out. I failed. I didn’t give birth.

    I’m welcome to other opinions here, but if you can’t respect mine then get off my blog. I clearly care a great deal and why do you have nothing better to do than to come here and make me feel bad about it? Seriously, get a better hobby.

    This was my first baby. I had no idea I’d run into those issues at the hospital or I would have gone to a birthing center (or had a homebirth) in a SECOND. And you said it exactly–I entrusted the medical staff with my body and my birth–and they failed me. They did NOT do their job of giving me the birth I wanted–of LISTENING to their patient.

    How dare you come here and tell me that MY experience, that I’m greatly struggling with, was all my fault. I’m glad you’re happy with your birth story, but you weren’t present at mine, you don’t know what was said, you don’t know me or how I’m feeling.

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  • ” I missed out. I failed. I didn’t give birth.” That is the issue I think, and why you are so defensive about this. You did infact give birth, and there was no failure on anyones part, least of all yours.

    I think you should stop beating yourself up about it. When I say, who cares about the rest, I meant it. Really, why do you care about the rest? You cannot go back and change it. The end result was a gorgeous healthy baby boy and I assume you recovered as expected as well?
    What I guess I really mean to say it don’s sweat the small stuff, and I guess if this is something you don’t consider to be small, then there is nothing I can do to change that. What I will say is that my personal pregnancy and birthing experience were in fact terrible, but even though my son is only 11 months old, it hardly crosses my mind. I would redo any and every moment of it, if i meant I would get this wonderful little boy I have now. I wouldn’t change a thing, because in the end I got the best thing I could. My son!
    So think possitive. There is nothing about your story that is a failure, so please don’t take my comments as any indication of such. I am very proud of my profession and feel the need to advocate for good medical professionals often. I entered a contest you hosted, followed your twitter, happen to see a tweet you made about drs and nurses commenting on your post, so I was curious, and for some reason felt compeled to give my two cents. Surely you know that if you put your life on display and allow people to comment, they will.
    My posts arent meant to be mean, or upset you, they are mearly a defense for a profession that I feel very passionate about. Please know that there is alot more to being a Doctor or Nurse than what you may see. There is so much more, and our number one priority is always the patient.

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  • Thank you for this comment, written in a much more caring manner. In your previous comments, I felt attacked. I felt someone was again blaming me for what happened. And that’s not fair. Like I said, birth experiences may not be important to some women, but it was to me.

    Yes, having my son here is important and I am grateful. But I will mourn the loss of my birth and it frustrates me when people try to tell me how I should feel.

    I figured the doctors and nurses were coming out on this post because they felt defensive. My birth story posts are angry and I do place blame on my medical staff. But I am aware that there are wonderful doctors and nurses out there… I was just not fortunate enough to have them.

    And yes I’m aware I post my stories for the world to see. I enjoy the feedback, from both sides. I expected negative comments on my posts about circumcision, vaccines, epidurals, etc… as those are very controversial. But I never imagined I could be attacked–or that I’d receive negative comments–about my birth story, about something so personal and hurtful. I do appreciate your last comment… I know (or hope) that someday I will agree with you and stop beating myself up.

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  • Birthra

    Brittney, maybe reading this will help you understand http://www.birthtruth.org/grateful.htm

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  • YES! That is perfect, thank you Gretchen. You say the words in that essay that I cannot yet come up with. I think that essay can actually give people who don’t understand some sliver of an idea of what we have gone through.

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  • The Good Doctor

    Let me first apologize. I really had no intent of making you feel worse than you already do. I guess that maybe I am feeling a bit defensive because the things that you talk about are true, and I yet I feel like I try to do everything in my power to make the experience what you want as the patient. At my hospital there is indeed a protocol for babies that go into distress. This is a national standard and I know this because I wrote the policy at my hospital because of the standards put forth by the government. I round on women all the time that have had cesarean sections and they did not want one. I still care for them post-operatively and I hope that they will trust that I did not do this “to” them, but I thought it was the right thing to do for them and their baby. There is so much anger out there and it is directed at the medical profession; rightfully so I suppose.

    If you were my patient I would like to hear from you to have a conversation like this so we can learn together. I could not expect to grow as a practitioner and person if someone didn’t occasionally hold the mirror up to my face. It is unfortunate that you were pressured into a procedure, especially if the baby was not in distress. I had a patient once at 8 cm for 6 hours because she wanted to wait until she was ready. That was not my choice because the baby was not in distress. She eventually decided this and she did wonderfully, but she made the decision, I hear you on this one. Medicine is pretty devoid of any spiritual side at this point in time, but there are doctors and allied health providers trying to change that.

    What great pictures of you and your family. All of my babies were bald and I think they are the cutest; sorry to all the parents out there with kids with hair, but the bald babies have “it”.

    Thanks for this discussion.

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  • Shawna

    I am so sorry those people are being rude — and doing some very sloppy “reading.” You did what you could, and you clearly showed bravery trying to prevent what you tried to prevent. It’s heartbreaking that you felt forced into it, and I don’t think you should have to feel any shame on top of that. I thank you so much for giving your story to me so that if I am in a similar position, I have your story in my mind.

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  • Bella

    This has been interesting. I really wish doctors were more inclined to listen and not challenge women who want a natural birth. It is intimidating to try to express one’s desire in the doctor’s environment. As a patient I felt, “Doctor knows best” and it really went against my natural tendency to speak up and ask for what I really wanted. And I was fought. My doctor was a fine doctor and was willing to allow me to proceed with reservations, but it still would have been a lot easier if he’d understood in the beginning and said, “If this is what you want, there’s no real issue with it, I’ll back off and let you try.”

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  • (I know this is months after the fact, but you prominently display your birth story and link to it on your blog, so I know that it will continue to be read in the future. For that reason, I feel compelled to respond to some of the comments here, in the hope that other women will be informed by my comments.)

    I think The Good Doctor needs to do a little research.

    On the proper dosage of Pitocin, from the pharmaceutical insert:

    “The initial dose should be 0.5-1 mU/min (equal to 3-6 mL of the dilute oxytocin solution per hour). At 30-60 minute intervals the dose should be gradually increased in increments of 1-2 mU/min until the desired contraction pattern has been established. Once the desired frequency of contractions has been reached and labor has progressed to 5-6 cm dilation, the dose may be reduced by similar increments. Studies of the concentrations of oxytocin in the maternal plasma during Pitocin infusion have shown that infusion rates up to 6 mU/min give the same oxytocin levels that are found in spontaneous labor. At term, higher infusion rates should be given with great care, and rates exceeding 9-10 mU/min are rarely required.”

    On the “evolution” of the pelvis: are you seriously suggesting that in the 2-3 generations since surgical birth has become common, that so many babies with android pelvises (or the propensity therefore) have been “saved” as to substantially impact the number of necessary c-sections? If this evolutionary mechanism worked as you propose, then android pelvises (or the genetic propensity for them) would have been very low to begin with, and even a significant increase could not account for even a tiny fraction of the c-sections we are seeing today. Also on the topic of inadequate pelvises, you are mistaken that obesity = large babies. Gestational diabetes can increase the risk of fetal macrosomia (large size), not maternal obesity alone. You are showing your size bias and it’s quite ugly. I hope you show better medical judgment (and that you are a lot less paternalistic and patronizing) with your actual patients than what you’ve shown here.

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  • In response to Brittney’s first two ignorant, insensitive comments: birth is a natural process that women HAVE been doing for thousands of years, and the majority of risk has been removed with the availability of antibiotics and emergency care when needed. There is no reason that the majority of women need to give birth in a hospital. Unfortunately, most women do not have access to birth centers or homebirth with a qualified attendant due to lack of providers and/or lack of insurance coverage (financial reasons). I do agree that women need to be aware of how hospitals operate and properly prepare themselves through education, hiring a doula, and carefully selecting their care provider to guard against unnecessary interventions in the birth process. Finally, research has shown the long-lasting emotional impact that the birth experience has on women. Brittney is callous and uninformed to suggest that the birth experience doesn’t matter. I think it’s great that she’s at peace with her birth experience, but she’s had 11 months to process and “move on” – Em’s posts were written within 2 months of her son’s birth. Plus, it’s all about perspective. Em knew the risks of birth interventions and wanted to let her body and baby “do their thing”. Brittney obviously believes in the medical, disease model of birth and believes that her doctor saved her and her baby’s life. If Brittney were to somehow find out differently, she might have some seriously emotional baggage to deal with.

    I don’t agree that the hospital staff’s job is to give every woman the birth she wants, but it’s not their job to push interventions that are not needed and could cause harm, either. The hospital is a business and works on efficiency and protocol. Deviating from the norm makes hospital staff nervous. This story is much more common that most women realize. The reason you don’t hear more women upset is because they don’t realize that it can be different, or that this is happening to other women, or that what happened to them WASN’T necessary. Our society treats doctors as gods, and many women believe that their bodies were incapable or that the doctor saved their life and the baby’s life. They don’t know the real risks of epidurals and Pitocin and c-sections, and how each intervention leads to more and more. They are scared of the birth process and put all their trust in the doctor to “deliver” them and their babies. I think Em is doing a great service to other women, as well as exorcising her own pain and regrets, by posting this birth story and her thoughts and feelings.

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  • Julie

    I stumbled upon this accidentally, but having read the comments felt the need to add my two cents’ worth. First of all, babyDickey, let me assure you that I fully understand your anger, anguish and grief, at not having the birthing experience you were expecting. I was in labour with my first for 36 hours, never progressed and had a ceasarean. My recovery was long (over a year), extremely painful and very influential in the birth of my second. I was so terrified of having another c-section, that I went for a VBAC. I was an “excellent candidate”, checked the scar condition, everything was perfect. I was in the hospital, on the off chance of problems. Even the labour was great. It progressed quickly, and was a really empowering experience. I envy women that have the “natural” experience. If I could, I would gladly endure labour again. I even gave birth vaginally. Sort of. My previous scar ruptured in the last 10 minutes of labour. I was ready to push, which I did. Unfortunately, it was too late. The rupture had no outward symptoms (pain, bleeding, etc) that are almost always present, except a heartbeat deceleration. It was only after I pushed the baby out as quickly as possible, that it was discovered that my uterus had ruptured. I ended up having not only IVs, which I detest, but antibiotics, episiotomy, vacuum, and then my stomach was cut open to repair the rupture (exactly like a c-section, just a different name). I basically had a vaginal birth and a ceasarean at the same time.

    Do I regret things? You bet! I wish I had stayed home longer the first labour. Maybe I would have progressed better. I wish I had more support to avoid a c-section the first time. Most of all, I wish I had a scheduled ceasarean the second time and avoided labour altogether. Although, for a while, until I realised just how bad things actually were, I felt envious of all women that give vaginal birth every time. It really is liberating.

    But I didn’t. I had a c-section. I nearly died. My daughter was, in essence, already dead, except for a heartbeat. Devastation? Grief? Shock? You can’t imagine it.

    Two years later. I am EXTREMELY fortunate, that the staff managed to sew up my uterus instead of simply performing a hysterectomy, which was expected. My daughter is also alive, but severely disabled. Because of brain damage (lack of oxygen in those last 10 minutes), she can barely swallow and eats through a tube in the stomach, will never talk, will never pick up a toy, sit by herself, crawl, walk, etc etc etc. Imagine that? You can’t. These are just empty words to someone who has not experienced it.

    Regrets? Countless. Woulda, coulda, shoulda? Absolutely. And what? Things happened, life has moved on. Time has passed. This is just a long preamble to say that I do, wholeheartedly, empathise with the grief at not having things happen as you expect, want, deserve.

    And yet, I must say that I agree with Brittney’s general comments. Don’t kick me, and don’t think me insensitive. Brittney’s timing is very unfortunate. You are in the middle of grieving, she is past it. It is often hard to remember what it was like at the time, once you move on. I agree, because saying that “I love my baby”, but I should have had a vaginal birth is like throughing the baby out with the bath water. “I love my baby, but I can’t forget that it wasn’t a vaginal birth. If only I had given birth vaginally, it would all be perfect”.

    It’s never perfect. There are women that suddenly have a cord prolapse during a home birth (after “perfect” previous births) and the baby dies, or is left disabled. Yes, I know these women first hand. There are women that are allergic to the amniotic fluid and die from toxic shock once their water breaks. Yes, I know the family. Some babies die in utero in the last month of birth. Yes, I also know that family. So many things can and do happen, despite all the medical advances and the best intentions of mothers and everyone else. There is no such thing as controlling the birth. All those people saying that it’s a woman’s right and purpose to give birth naturally, have never had anything happen to them. The wonderful and fulfilling process can and does go awry in quite a hurry. The majority simply do not hear about the unfortunate cases.

    Please, don’t think I’m attacking you or trying to minimize your grief. NOT AT ALL. Grief is individual, and all is relative. I know you have a “but” for everythng I said. Your baby wasn’t in distress, you didn’t need the surgery. I read your post. I am only asking that you save this and read it 2, 3, 4, 5 years from now, when you are able to gain some perspective. Now you are not ready.

    Brittney was only trying to help you count your blessings, and I am too. You are alive and healthy. Angry, yes, but alive. I realize that you are assuming that you would be alive anyway, but it really is great. You have a beautiful and healthy baby boy. There is really and truly NOTHING more important than that. Not how you gave birth, not what your wishes were, nothing. I know, you must be bursting with “buts”, but think of your wedding ceremony. I am assuming that you and your husband are happy together. Would you love him more, care for him more, if you had a different wedding day? Unlikely. In retrospect, the wedding ceremony matters little in family life. So is the birth itself. The important thing is the new healthy person that is with you. At least, you are not asked to wither completely to bear fruit as is every plant.

    Honestly, read this later, and believe me, I hear your pain, and feel your indignation, and things should have been different, but for your little boy, don’t look at him and sign with regret about your “lost birth”. You did give birth, and it was only a very small beginning, not the ever-important culmination.

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  • Melinda

    I can understand you are upset. Please don’t blame your decisions or feel guilty at all. The birth process is an unpredictable experience that you go into with all the best intentions, but often things don’t work out as planned. Each of my 3 kids’ births were such a different experience and mixture of circumstances that could not have been foreseen. During baby #1’s birth, I actually told the Dr. “I changed my mind and I’m not going to have a baby today thank you very much”… I unplugged myself from everything ready to just give up and leave. Where was I going? I have no idea.

    Try not to harbor your anger, but instead…look at your beautiful baby and the joy the future holds. Don’t waste a moment on regrets. They are small for such a short time..cherish each moment. The result is what is important, not how you got there. Years later when you are watching your 15 year old learn to drive and tears run down your face when you realize you have only 3 more years left with them, the birth moment will never cross your mind except to think how that just seems like yesterday. You will stop and wish you could go back in time and hold that tiny baby all over again and return to that incredible first-time experience when everything is exciting and new…oh yea..and scary since they don’t come with an instruction manual. :)

    Rarely does anything go as planned, but that is what makes parenting such an incredible journey. You can only make the best of each situation and not look back. Wishing you all the best and hoping this moment will pass quickly for you.

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  • I can’t help it. I wasn’t going to say anything about Julie’s comment, but I can’t just let this one slide by.

    That comment is a total scare tactic. There isn’t anything helpful about it. In the world of the internet, you can ALWAYS find someone that had a terrible thing happen to them. There will always be horror stories. I believe in being fully informed, but don’t try to scare me into doing what you do/did because it might not work for me.

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  • I just discovered your blog and I’m kind of hooked…. I’m so sorry you had to go through that! I’m currently pregnant and thinking about my own birth plan and you’re writing about some of my concerns. Thank you for being so straightforward and honest with your posts…. I shared them with my husband and asked him to really help me stick to my convictions. I too am moving in the second trimester (moving next week from MA to NV) so this reaffirmed for me how important it’ll be to find an OB and a practice that I’m comfortable with!
    Congrats on your baby boy!

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  • Laura

    I came across your site b/c I was looking for monster birthday ideas. I’m glad I kept poking around and found this post.
    It’s so comforting to know that I am not the only one that feels they missed out on “one of the most incredible, natural, amazing experiences of life”. That is exactly how I feel!
    My son was born Dec 2010. And 7 months later I still get very emotional and cry over the fact that I ended up with a c-section. I feel like I failed. I feel like I should have kept going and I just gave up too soon. Long story short…I was given pitocin over night and my labor started the next morning. I was in alot of pain, but was only at 3.5cm. My dr ok’d me getting the epidural before I reached 4cm b/c it was so painful. When I laid back down after getting the epidural they couldn’t find my baby’s heart rate. Everything after that went really fast. Next thing I know I’m in the OR. On the other hand, my dr had been warning me about the c-section b/c my son was large and she was concerned about shoulder displacia(sp?).
    Any how, I still look back and think maybe if I held off on the epidural a little while longer…maybe if I tried more pain management techniques…so many what if’s.
    My husband and I already talk about #2. I’m interested in a VBAC, but I would need to do a lot of research. I’m going to try to check back often to see your progress.
    In the end, I have the happiest and healthiest little boy I could ever imagine! And I am crazy in love with him!
    Again, thanks for sharing your story. :)

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    babydickey Reply:

    Hi Laura! Thank you for the comment – It always pains me to read stories like yours. That are so similar to mine. I’m so so so sorry that happened to you. I was you a year ago. I can tell you the pain and the crying over the c-section does get better–it does lessen. But even for me, now 19 months later, I still cry once in awhile. It still pains me, I still have what ifs and anger over the situation.

    If you EVER have any questions about VBACs, feel free to ask. You can email me anytime – erdickey@gmail.com – or even if you just want someone to cry and rant to about your c-section. I can listen.

    I can tell you that your dr trying to warn you about having a baby that’s too big and trying to scare with shoulder dystocia is the biggest load of crap. I’d start by finding a new doctor. First off–it’s nearly impossible to estimate the size of a baby before birth. Second, true CPD (cephalo-pelvic disproption–having a baby too big to fit) is extremely rare. And third, even IF you had a large baby, shoulder dystocia is rare. Yes, it would be a serious complication IF it happened, but it pisses me off to no end that your doctor would bring up a c-section just at the possibility of 1)having a big baby AND 2)scaring you with shoulder dystocia.

    As you know, I had an epidural too and blame a lot of what happened on that. For most women, an epidural stalls or slows labor. Obviously for my VBAC at home I won’t have any pain meds so one of the major things I’m working on are pain management techniques. I’ll let you know how that goes, haha. :)

    Best of luck, mama!!!! and HUGS!

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  • I came across your site because I applied for a giveaway and received an extra entry if I was a GFC of this blog. I’m SO glad I did GFC this blog because I LOVE reading birth stories. I’m a RN and no, I’m not going to argue with you. Instead, I AGREE WITH YOU 100%. We (medical professionals) are too often concerned about litigation and ending up in a courtroom. So, we recommend having this done or that done, when in fact many of the things we push to women in labor and delivery often end up causing many women to have c-sections (like in your case).

    I too had Pitocin and an Epidural, but thankfully I gave birth to a 9 lb. 12 oz. baby vaginally. During the pushing stage, I felt like a failure from my doctor (the nurses were great-encouraging, telling me I was during a great job), but the doctor kept applying fundal pressure which did not help AT ALL. Unfortunately, I ended up with an episiotomy, because of having an impatient doctor. At my 6 week post partum checkup, the midwife told me, that the reason I had an episiotomy was because, “Dr. N_ was too impatient.”

    P.S. I hope your birth for this pregnancy goes well.

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  • Desiree

    I happened on your blog today courtesy of either PhD in Parenting or Just West of Crunchy… can’t remember which one as I often open multiple browser windows at a time when I find something I want to save for later reading.

    I am so sorry to hear what happened during your birth experience. I am also sorry for the criticism you have faced over posting your experiences. The criticism is one of the main reasons I haven’t even attempted to blog my whole birth story. I just posted the quick version which left out so much of my experiences and my feelings about what all happened during my birth. As our Bradley Birth class instructor told us; it is ok and completely normal to mourn the fact that your birth happened the way it did. I too have a very difficult time with people telling me, “but you have a beautiful baby and that’s all that matters, right?”

    I was told that the epidural would relax me and allow me to dilate (this after 26 hours of no dilation with the last 5 hours of contractions 1.5-2 mins apart lasting 1-1.5 mins each). Turns out I had scar tissue, from a procedure I had done years ago, keeping my cervix closed. Labor only lasted around 6 hours after the scar tissue was removed (and mostly it took that long because I wasn’t mentally ready for it and decided that as long as baby was looking good, I would wait until I was ready to push.

    As a side note, true CPD (baby too big to be born vaginally for your pelvis size) is VERY rare (though it does happen) and can only be accurately determined by a trial of labor (this according to our Bradley Birth Instructor and our OBs).

    I pray that your next birth is everything you dream it to be. :-)

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  • Ana

    I didn’t know about all this information it will be very useful later on

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  • I have read this story so many times…Both while I was pregnant with my youngest son as well as while I was recovering from a HIGHLY unnecessary cesarean when my daughter was born. (I have had 3 c-sections, only 1 of which would have been necessary, and only because it came 12 months AFTER the last unecessary cesarean!) My first c-section came when I was 18 years old. My oldest child was overdue, and the doctors wanted to induce. They gave me pitocin and broke my water, and while there were no signs of distress, I simply wasn’t progressing. (I did have an epidural at 3cm at my stupid doctor’s insistence.) One minute, everything seemed fine, and the next, I am being wheeled to the ER and prepped for a surgery I did not see as being needed. I screamed, I cried, I pleaded…I was told by a nurse NOT to argue with the doctor. I was 18, scared, and didn’t know any better. This was back in 2000, after all. After a horrifying surgery, my son was born. Recovery? Awful. Painful. I got an infection. And I felt like a complete and absolute failure as a woman. I didn’t GIVE birth, my birth was taken from me! Fast forward 10 years…After years of trying, a diagnosis of secondary infertility, and 3 miscarriages, we were finally pregnant with our daughter, who is now 2 years old. I wasn’t even given the CHOICE to try for a VBAC. Where I live, no one will attempt them. I was angry. I cried. I begged. I resorted to insane methods to try and go into hard labor before my scheduled c-section date…But to no avail…My daughter was born via cesarean on 12/31/09. I view this birth as being completely unecessary…It had been 10 YEARS…I had NO SCAR TISSUE that looked suspect…My choice was taken from me. While my daughter was being cut out of me, I panicked the whole time. I felt like I couldn’t breathe. I was freezing…shaking…I couldn’t focus…It was not the way she should have been welcomed into the world. I was very, very bitter. (I still am!) When my baby girl was 3 months old, we found out we were pregnant AGAIN. Of course, since I had JUST had a c-section and hadn’t even fully healed, the doctor said a VBAC was impossible…In this case, I understood it a bit more,but it did not make me happy. I became very depressed and even fearful for my baby and myself. My youngest was born on 1/14/11 via scheduled cesarean. While I wasn’t happy about this, I REFUSED to have a bad experience again…I decided I would take what little amount of control I could get, and I chose to relax…To joke with my doctors and the OR nurses…To laugh…I did not want my son entering the world the way his older brother and sister did. I am pleased to say that the first sound my little man heard was the sound of his mother’s laughter…The sound of joy… No, I am NOT happy that I endured 3 cesareans. To this day I still cry…But at least during my last “birth” I allowed myself to bring Xander into a joyful room. That’s my little FU to the doctors that wouldn’t even let me try…If that makes sense…Emily, I admire you SO much for your choice to have a home birth. I wish I had considered this when I was pregnant with my daughter, but I knew nothing about it. Waiting to “meet” little Rebecca! Thanks so much for sharing!

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  • Lydia

    I know this is an old post, but I wanted to add my experience. First of all, I find it appalling that people in the medical field can back their actions despite the rise of problems and the CS rate. Something needs to change!

    I can completely understand your frustrations for what happened to you. Doctors can be sooooo egotistical and pushy, and some of the self righteous comments that have been made to you make the evermore apparent. There are those of us that want a hospital birth, without medication… Shocking for doctors I know,,. But they SHOULD try to listen to our wishes.

    With my daughter they cranked my pit past 20. Broke my water and the contractions made me feel like I was dying. I was sooo miserable and the baby was supposedly not handling the pit well.. (no kidding!!). So they said I could have stadol for pain.. I relented, but it did nothing, I started screaming for an epi, but I was 10 cm. since I had been on my back throughout all of labor, I still had a hard time pushing and she was only 6 lbs 13 ozs. Had her vaginally but it wasn’t the birth I had dreamed of.

    With my son, I begged them to realize my son was HUGE, to wich they promised me he was 7 lbs. I begged for an induction, but they wouldn’t as they felt he was too small (despite hating pit, he felt too big and I was afraid he was going into distress). I begged for them to check me again, they looked at me like I was crazy and had no mother’s intuition. They finally induced me at 42 weeks. I had to beg for not that much pit, knowing my body would kick in after just a small amount. I had to beg to get out of the bed to avoid my 20 hr labor of my 1st. They kept saying they didn’t want me to give birth on the floor. As if. I had to plead that I wanted no epi. I had to keep saying no, and they made me sign something, in labor, saying I didn’t want one. Then they asked about taking the edge off. I said I was fine. Had to persuade them I was ready to push. Only took 4 pushes, and my 10lb 4oz baby was born. 7 lbs my eye!!! Had I listened to them and gotten an epi, I would have not been able to push that baby out.

    With my second son, despite telling my doc I had vaginally birthed a 10 lb baby without an epi and little pit, I still had to BEG them nt to crank up the pit. They kept saying I wasn’t progressing fast enough despite baby being FINE. They wanted me to stay in the bed, but I got up everytime they left. They said they couldn’t monitor baby and I said I wasnt laying in the bed. Finally, after much discussion, doc said I could walk and get on a birthing ball. That is what made me progress. They also mentioned epi despite me saying I didn’t want one,. They broke my water, and added the thing to check my contrax which they determined were crazy strong. Doc was still saying I wasn’t progressing, so I kept punching on the ball. I went from 6cm to 10 in about 30 mins. Pushed him out in three pushes. My body didn’t need the pit!!!! The pit is what makes labor CRAZY.

    God bless the fact that CS are there when needed. And that interventions exists, bt they are used WAY to much, when they are NOT needed. Women’s wishes are nt listened to. You should not have to BEG for no pain killer, or no epi. And if they would let you walk instead of being strapped to the bed, the labor wouldn’t stall neary as much! Yes there are exceptions to the rule, but sooo many woman would have an easier time laboring without all the other stuff. The contractions I had on the ball were far easier to manage than how they felt when I was laying in the bed.

    And FYI to the nurse who posted that women died 100 years ago. They didn’t die from lack of eoidurls… That’s for sure!!! They died of infections from unclean conditions and water… And from bleeding out, not just long labors. Yes, if you labor over 24 hrs after the water is broken it can cause infection but that was not the case here.

    I feel extremely horrible that what happened to you did, and whoever said how the baby gets here doesn’t matter is crazy. It most definitely does, good and bad!

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  • Lydia

    Oh, and for the record, first labor was 20+ hrs and miserable with the most doc intervention. 2nd was 13 hrs, with minimal doc intervention, and 3rd was 8 hrs with the least amount of doc intervention. Had pit the third time only because 2nd baby was so big and doc didnt want me to go 40 weeks. 3rd was 8lbs 13ozs. 3rd was by far the easiest and I was up walking an hour after,much to he horror of my nurses…lol.

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  • This instihg’s just the way to kick life into this debate.

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  • All of these articles have saved me a lot of hesdachea.

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  • Fr. Marty & pilgrim leaders, Thanks so much for all you’ve done in preparing our youth for the trip of a lifetime. I know from experience, they’ll cherish the memories.Now with all the explorations complete, they’ll have a plethora of lessons to draw from into the future.God speed & return you all safely to your anxious St. Joseph’s Family!

    [Reply]

  • Wow thank you for sharing this! I’m so glad I stumbled upon your blog. Depression is a very complex medical issue that nobody really fully understands it – sometimes not even the person who’s going through it. Keep up the good work man!

    [Reply]

  • […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by TheFeministBreeder and Baby Dickey, ICAN of DuPage Co.. ICAN of DuPage Co. said: Advice from a mom who recently suffered an unwanted an unnecessary cesarean RT @babydickey: http://bit.ly/81zu8D #VBAC […]

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