Alright.…
I do believe I ended up with a c-section because of my decision to get an epidural. As I said in my first birth story post, I don’t regret the epidural. I can’t. The pain was unbearable. So in that sense, I guess I should be ok with the ending c-section. But I also strongly feel that I was talked into it. I was worn down. And… after sitting in the hospital for 24 hours, I was exhausted.
For some women, an epidural helps labor progress because it takes away pain/tension and allows contractions to do their job. For probably the majority of women, an epidural slows labor down, and that’s where I fall. This led to breaking my water… then pitocin… then c-section. Why did I agree to pitocin? I’d rather have that work than end up in a c-section. Sadly, for me, it didn’t work.
A few months ago I was reading a story about how hospital nurses were starting to come forward and talk about how doctors were administering pitocin in high doses to purposely cause distress in the baby (“pit to distress”). Yes, I wonder about my OB… she had no idea who I was, we had no connection, she had no emotion. Plus, she upped my pitocin to a level of 24 when the max is supposed to be 20. Luckily, our baby never went into distress. His heart rate did rise from around 140 to around 160, but they never said anything about it.
What do I wish? I wish I had denied the c-section, at least at that time. I wish we had waited to see if I could get to 10cm and if I could have pushed this baby out. Too big to fit? Please, have you seen him?! 7 lb, 9 oz. I don’t think your body makes a baby it can’t fit.
But… no woulda, shoulda, coulda games. Right? It is very hard when people tell me that I got a healthy and happy baby and that’s all that matters. Of course it matters. And of course I’m deeply in love with Ryan. But it’s not the ONLY thing that matters… it doesn’t change the fact that I missed out on giving birth… one of the most incredible, natural, amazing experiences of life. I missed it. And when they were prepping me for the c-section and I asked the nurse what my chances were of ever having a vaginal birth, she said I most likely never would.
I know that’s not true. But I’m pretty terrified of it. Just a few weeks ago I overheard the receptionist at my clinic say a woman had just died when her uterus ruptured during a VBAC (vaginal birth after c-section) and that my clinic doesn’t even take VBAC patients (no loss there, I hate my clinic).
Yes, I’ve heard of ICAN and I’ve visited their site. They have no chapters where I live… I need to look into it more, just haven’t had time.
Yes, I’m disappointed in myself. And my advice for others??? If you’re completely serious about having an all natural birth, I’d look at a birthing center (or homebirth).
But, if you’re planning on getting an epidural and going to the hospital… I’d recommend a doula. I feel like if we had one there, she would have been able to remember for me what we originally wanted. She would have been able to stand ground for us when we were exhausted and confused. Who knows, I could have denied the c-section and still ended up needing one later. But at least I would have tried. I was at 8cm.. so close.. and I didn’t try.
Also.. just know what to expect. Know how things work these days and that it’s very possible you end up in a c-section or end up trying to be talked into one. Know what pitocin is and what it does. Know what you want and write it down to have it by your side – in the heat of the moment, I basically forgot what I wanted or why. Have an open mind.
I researched so much.. I knew exactly what I wanted and didn’t want… and this is how it turned out. Anything can happen. I wish I had known that.
Some of you mentioned you had questions for me… I’d love for you to ask. Anything, really. It will help me to help you. If you’d prefer to ask privately, email me erdickey(at)gmail(dot)com
Thanks again for all the wonderful support, it’s greatly appreciated and extremely helpful.
WE SHOPPED TILL WE DROPPED; GROSS DOMESTIC PRODUCT FALLS IN 3RD QUARTER; In a stark indication of widening national distress, consumer spending dipped for the first time in 17 years. And Minnesota is feeling the chill.(NEWS)
Star Tribune (Minneapolis, MN) October 31, 2008 | Meyers, Mike; Writer, Staff; Cummins, H.J.
Byline: MIKE MEYERS; STAFF WRITER; H.J. CUMMINS; STAFF WRITERS Grim tidings for the holidays, across Minnesota and the nation, came gift-wrapped in the latest government economic reading. Shrinking output, falling consumer spending, miserly business investment — all part of the latest report on the gross domestic product — portend “Seasons Greetings” with an ugly twist.
Economists and business experts see little to celebrate in the recent past or in forecasts for the months to come. The value of all goods and services produced in the United States dropped at an annual pace of 0.3 percent, a number that masked sharp declines in consumer spending, business investment and new-home construction.
The most unsettling element in the GDP data was the 3.1 percent drop-off in consumer spending, which makes up more than two-thirds of economic activity. An outright reduction in such spending is rare: The last time there was a consumer-spending decline was a 0.3 percent dip in 1991, and the last time it fell more came in 1980, as the nation was heading into a lengthy recession. go to website best buy mastercard
President Janet Yellen of the Federal Reserve Bank of San Francisco said that recent data on the U.S. economy is “deeply worrisome” and the government should consider new ways to help homeowners and stem foreclosures. Minnesota’s economy has been showing signs of trouble for some time. For three months in a row, the number of jobs across the state has declined. For the past two years, the number of state jobs grew at a slower pace than the national average.
Meanwhile, state government is bracing for a drop in revenues, as consumer spending lags and personal incomes stall or fall.
The malaise can be seen from shopping malls with boarded-up storefronts to car lots choked with excess inventories to the shrinking number of “Help Wanted” advertisements in newspapers.
“The third-quarter GDP numbers hinted at what’s likely in store for Minnesota over the next six to nine months,” said Minnesota state economist Tom Stinson. “Most economists expect the fourth quarter of 2008 is going to show a much larger decline.” Minnesota retailers are struggling not to go down with the economy. Brian Dunn, Best Buy’s president and chief operating officer, said it’s the most volatile, fearful and unpredictable business environment he has seen in his 23 years of retailing. He said that a $700 billion federal economic-stimulus plan and a soon-to-be decided presidential race will help, but not ease all of consumer worries.
“Everybody will still have their gift list, they just might move down a bit with how much they’re going to spend,” Dunn said.
Best Buy officials said more customers than ever are turning to it for financing — either with its Best Buy MasterCard or by signing up for an 18-month, no-interest payment plan for purchases over $499.
“We’ve seen business drop off to nothing in the last four weeks,” said Jason Caldwell at Go Home, a designer home furnishings store in Uptown that sells $2,000 sofas and $800 lighting fixtures. “I’ve never seen it this bad,” said Caldwell, who has been a clerk at the store since it opened in 1996. “But these are scary times, and I don’t know if people have the disposable income to spend,” he said.
Even good news isn’t very good At a time when spending on durable goods dropped more than 14 percent, St. Louis Park-based Appliance Smart saw a relatively light drop of 1.8 percent in its same-store sales, CEO Jack Cameron said. The chain, with 17 stores in the South and Midwest, dodged fallout from the construction collapse because its warehouses have always focused on replacement shoppers, Cameron said. But it’s not all good. “We miss the sales when people used to come in to buy a washer and buy a set,” he said. “Now they say, ‘The old dryer is working good enough for now.’” Financial advisers around the Twin Cities didn’t need to see the official numbers to know that consumers aren’t spending. They look at their clients’ behavior.
Darla Kashian of RBC Wealth Management has always urged clients to think before they buy because “a lot of spending happens mindlessly,” she said. But in good times, they didn’t usually listen.
That changed this year. “My clients who have never had to think twice about a spending decision now are considering those decisions much more carefully,” she said, citing a couple who could afford a $40,000 SUV but are looking for a used vehicle instead.
St. Paul financial counselor Ruth Hayden says her clients are cutting back whether they need to or not. She recalls one couple who had been planning to buy a flat-screen TV and had the money to do so. But they’ve decided to wait, not wanting to have the fanciest set among their friends. “Two years ago that would have been a thing to brag about,” she said.
To Hayden, this represents a tectonic shift in the mindset of America’s consumers that will impact the economy for months, if not years, to come.
Twin Cities performing arts organizations say the economy hasn’t meant dwindling houses — though some are discounting more to keep seats full. The Minnesota Orchestra anticipated tough times with a conservative budget, said spokeswoman Gwen Pappas. The orchestra is offering $25 tickets for selected concerts in November. Renewal rates for classical subscriptions are up, but people are buying smaller packages, Pappas said. web site best buy mastercard
Gabriella Calicchio, managing director at Children’s Theatre, met its financial target for “Madeline and the Gypsies,” selling more tickets than anticipated at lower prices. The group reached its $1.4 million season subscription goal last week. Its upcoming holiday show, “The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe,” is 15 percent ahead of last year’s show.
Graydon Royce, Kara McGuire and Jackie Crosby contributed to this report, which also contains information from Bloomberg News and the Chicago Tribune. meyers@startribune.com — 612 – 673-1746 hcummins@startribune.com — 612 – 673-4671 THIRD QUARTER: WINNERS AND LOSERS PERSONAL SPENDING –3.1% It’s the first quarterly drop in consumer spending in 17 years.
IMPORTS –1.9% That’s less than the 7.3 percent drop in the second quarter.
EXPORTS +5.9% Without this increase in exports, the gross domestic product would have slid 1.1 percent.
FEDERAL SPENDING + 13.8% Military spending was the key driver, rising 18.1 percent.
Note: Percentages are annual rates GROSS DOMESTIC PRODUCT 3rd qtr 2008: –0.3% (See microfilm or PDF for complete chart.) Source: Department of Commerce Meyers, Mike; Writer, Staff; Cummins, H.J.
(BirthBabiesBlog from twitter) ICAN’s e-mail lists and message boards are also VERY helpful. After my first c-section I felt like you and when I went looking for a chapter, there wasn’t one in my whole state!!
I started getting support through their email group and website, and eventually, barely 5 months after my first c-section, I started my own chapter. It has helped so much in my recovery, and I have also had the option of being able to help others in my local area. It is something to think about.
You may also want to check out http://www.birthcut.com and maybe submitting your story will help in your healing.
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The way you ended up with your cesarean is the way most of us end up with ours: not enough education about the risks of those obstetrical interventions. In fact, I’d bet money that the majority of our 31.8% national cesarean rate is epidural and pitocin induced. Marsden Wagner wrote a book on it.
If you want a story from a mother who got her VBAC, despite everyone’s insistence that it was impossible, you can read my story here: http://thefeministbreeder.com/jules-michael-birth-story
Take care of yourself.
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Hi Emily,
I too had a c-section after laboring with my eldest. She was face up and i was having the worst back labour, contraction upon contraction so I begged for the epidural. i don’t think I would have been able to labour at all without it I was in agony. Unlike you though I progressed extremely quickly. I went from 1 to 10 cms in about 4 hours but as Ainsley was face up she was not progressing into the birth canal at all and attempts at turning her did not work. I pushed for 2 hours and finally I chose to have a section (the only thing I didn’t want to have). When they pulled Ainsley out, the doctor had to climb on the table as she was so wedged because of the pushing that they needed the leverage.
I wanted to say that it was a traumatic experience and I mourned my loss of a natural birthing experience for awhile. Just know that you have a right to grieve what you wish your birthing experience had been. I am now at peace with the fact that I will not have a VBAC. With my second I debated up until the last week about whether to try but in the end I opted for c-section. This is my personal choice and I did a ton of research and in the end I made the decision that I was most comfortable.
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I just want you to know you could have birthed him vaginally. +1 means that the biggest part of his head and fit through the smallest part of your pelvis. If he had truly been stuck, he never would have made it past 0 station.
VBAC has a rupture rate of less than 1 percent in spontaneous labor where the woman can move and is not inhibited at all. Did they tell you why she ruptured? Most times it is because they used to induce VBAC with pitocin and cytotec. It is very dangerous to do this and many babies died and many women had uterine ruptures.
You truly are an amazing woman. Stronger than I ever was. Your son is so lucky to have you as a mother and I know that you will be able to have the birth you want someday.
You are amazing, and don’t let anyone ever tell you otherwise.
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Thank you for an honest, reflective post that will surely be helpful to some other moms. Please don’t beat yourself up about this! And I completely agree with Danielle — I was seriously going to suggest starting your own chapter myself, she just beat me to it! *shakes fist*
Please, again, be gentle with yourself. I have all the faith in the world that you will be able to have a VBAC next time. Finding the right doula could definitely make a big difference, and/or looking into various midwifery options.
Big hugs!
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Always remember that you did nothing wrong! You ended up in a c-section by no choice of your own. When you’re ready to try again, find you a clinic that believes in VBAC!
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I am SO sorry that you didn’t get to have the birthing experience that you so wanted. I have been following your blog for a while now and am expecting my first in early March, so I’m right behind you. I too hope to have a natural birth, but reading stories like yours are really good for me. They help prepare me for what could happen. So thank you for sharing your story!! I am so happy that you are healthy and baby Ryan is doing well too. I know that doesn’t make up for the disappointment of your birthing experience though. So take the time to grieve and then enjoy your precious blessing!
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I found this post via Twitter and wanted to say that your birth experience sounds very similar to mine… except I ended up being put under general anesthesia for my C-section. (I’m not sure if you were put under, as I haven’t read your birth story.) The things that people say (“you should be grateful”, blah blah blah) are said because they don’t know what else to say, and I truly don’t think that most of them know how invalidating and hurtful they are being when they say that. Nevertheless, it is so tough to hear that because you feel like you should be more positive, but you can’t help the fact that you feel broken and devastated. I am so sorry for what you have gone through.
This is a great website; read the essays!
http://www.birthtruth.org/
Take care of yourself. I feel like sending you an email…
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I’m sorry things didn’t go the way you had planned… and reading your story makes me feel very lucky with how easy my labor was.
I look forward to hearing more about your new life as a mama (how have these first few weeks been?!) and seeing pictures of Ryan!
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I’m so sorry it turned out that way. It is hard to know what all the would’ve/could’ve beens are. And it’s possible you would have had one even w/out an epidural (that’s what sucks about life, we never do get to find out if things would’ve been better another way).
I can tell you, don’t be hard on yourself for not beating the system. The system is tough, and they hold almost all the cards. I can look back on my c/sec now and see what I would do, even how I would have a better c/sec if necessary, but when I was going through it, there was no clarity (I did have a doula, too; she was likewise overwhelmed). I know a LOT more now, but there was no way for me to have this knowledge when it happened, so I have let my past self off the hook. I was scared and I was confused and I didn’t understand what my rights were or what the research said. I wanted to believe in the system and let my doctor take care of me. Fear got me, and an exploitative system. That’s not my fault; it’s theirs.
There was no ICAN group where I lived after my son’s birth, but I did get on the national ICAN email list, and it kept me sane. Also going to therapy, eventually
, and time.
It’s through Yahoo groups, so you have to get a Yahoo sign in, but, here’s the link:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ICAN-online/
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This is pretty much the exact same thing I went through when I had Peanut in March. I hated my FORMER OB and don’t trust him so god only knows if everything happened the way it’s supposed to in order for me to have a VBAC. I may be stuck with a c-section for #2. It is very disappointing.
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I recently listened to a podcast that was going over VBACs and the OB there said that you’re actually at more risk with multiple c-sections than VBACs. Her reasoning was that every time you have a c-section you create more scar tissue. Sometimes in later pregnancies the placenta can kind of fuse to the scar tissue and when this happens it’s either fatal or you have to have a hysterectomy. Obviously it’s more likely to happen the more scar tissue you have.
Don’t forget that you can be so incredibly happy to have your baby and at the same time so incredibly sad that you didn’t get the birth you wanted. I didn’t even have a c-section, but it took me time to accept my birth not being the way I had planned (accidental home birth). I also believe that with the correct support, you could probably have a natural childbirth. I am a HUGE wuss and had horrific back labor for 33.5 hours and I still did it because my husband was there to coach me all the way through (Bradley Method). Good luck mama!
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I’m so sorry you had to go thru this! I second everything written in the comments. I also agree that a healthy baby is important, but your feelings about what happened are also important. Go thru the grieving process. Start an ICAN chapter, start researching how a doula can help you. Make plans for the next birth.
For anyone who would like a doula, but thinks she cant afford it, contact your local doulas and an if she knows of a doula in training or some one who is low-cost. Some doulas will barter or trade with clients so that you get the help you need!
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*big hugs* Like I said on twitter, Have compassion with yourself, and anger on your doctors/nurses. Yes, they didn’t do differently than most doctors, but that is EXACTLY the problem. Our maternity system is sicksicksick but women are passive and don’t stand up. Heck, i had my membranes ruptured without my permission and i’m still furious AND petrified of cervical checks (which is what she went in there for) and all this.. and i still haven’t filed a formal complaint yet. If only i wasn’t scared of confrontation
But i know i have to because they should NOT believe they can do whatever they want to women’s bodies, or stretch the truth or whatever. It’s absolutely unacceptable.
But it is not your fault! It is theres. You did what you could. You have ever right to be upset, but do not let yourself (even though it’s hard, my little incident i still have self-blame (I SHOULD have known better what she was doing when she began to hurt me, i’ve talked to many other women who had the same thing happen to them! etc) let alone in yours) blame yourself or be angry with yourself. Just compassion!
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Wow I’m so sorry you had this forced on you. I am right behind you, due at the end of March, and I’m worried about this potentially happening to me too. Please know that your post has prompted me to do some research and to talk to my OB about c sections. He has assured me that he will NOT do a c section unless it is absolutely necessary. I really like him and trust him and feel that he is in tune with my wishes. I have no idea how my birth is gonna go down but I hope I don’t get forced into doing things against my wishes like you were. I have created a birth plan which should hopefully help.
Best of luck to you and your cute new babeh!
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Thanks for your the idea to always have your birth plan with you. I really like that. It would be a reminder from yourself at a more level headed and calm time. I am admittedly impressionable and extremely forgetful. Your journey is inspiring to me.
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I will have to reread this and comment further when I’m more awake, but I wanted to say a couple things first.
I equate your situation to a bully in school. A bully catches you at a time when you are at your most vulnerable and they beat you down until you give them your lunch money. The doctors and nurses caught you when you had been laboring for 24+ hours, you were tired, worn down, and worried about your baby and they bullied you into a c-section.
Your strength comes in that not only did you labor for 24+ hours,but you gave birth to a gorgeous baby! You’re also strong in telling your story and getting the word out so that this hopefully won’t happen to others. You beat the bullies by standing up to them and stopping them from bullying others.
Thinking of you!
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Oh sweety, this must be so hard. I think it’s good you’re talking about it here, but I also think it would be good to talk about this with a professional or something? You don’t have to, but it actually altogether sounds like a pretty traumatic experience and it’s important to work through the frustration & helplessness you felt/feel.
It’s pretty typical of us women to blame ourselves for things we can take no blame for: you gave off plenty of signals you didn’t want these interventions and any human being would have noticed them. They just decided to ignore your wishes and I suppose presume that you were too ignorant/unknowing in the medical department (as you’re not a doctor yourself) to make decisions they’d respect. Also, even if they did feel like this was not going to happen naturally, there is always the more NORMAL and human way of talking to a patient (a woman giving birth, darnit! Show some respect! Argh, it just gets me so mad…) and explaining exactly why things are going the way they are. So you’d know that they were hearing you and not just brushing your wishes aside.
So, please don’t be mad with yourself. Get mad at the doctors and the night nurse who was such a robot.
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I really hope I didn’t online slap you in the face re: healthy baby and that is all that matters. I meant to write that healthy baby and healthy mom (who is recovering) is what is priority right now. Do get upset/sad and deal with this, it was traumatic, but get better and stronger first. I really hope you and your husband have been there for each other in the aftermath if Ryan has given you any down time to talk about what happened. You are essentially mourning not having the birth experience you wanted and being sliced open.
Watching your tweets in the aftermath have been nice. I am so glad breastfeeding is going well and every time you post pics of your little boy he looks great.
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I am so sorry you were manipulated like this, it is my worst fear as well: to be manipulated when I am at my weakest. I am due in March, and I have had this conversation with my OB; luckily, I think he understands and respects my wishes. I am sorry your OB didn’t respect yours. Take care of yourself, and thanks for sharing!
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Was good to read your story & advice. I had BabyCute (Dominic) in June, my first, with a C-section; was past due date, & he hadn’t even dropped, & was over 9lbs already, lol.
I was told a VBAC should be fine for next time because there wasn’t any stress or emergency in getting D. out, just a quick, clean C-section. The whole process, from the needle in my spine, to the pulling my little one out, took about 17minutes…
Besides having the staples pulled out, which was the worst pain I’d ever had in my life!! – I didn’t mind getting a C-section at all. I’d like to give birth naturally, but was perfectly fine with getting him out, getting it done with, & seeing my son
I would def. start to worry, though, if I kept having to have C-section, or rather, that they were “strongly suggested”. My Mother had 8 (yes eight!) of them, & it’s not a good idea…
I’d be really angry if I was taken advantage of like that, but I’m glad that your son is great & it’s all over now. Live & learn & now you can be ok for next time. Good luck – & Ryan is beautiful!
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Although I was never fully convinced I WANTED a natural birth, after several hours of labor at home I got to the hospital at only 2 cm and knew I was too much of a wuss to make it to 10 without pain medication. Getting the epidural felt like the right decision — it still feels like the right decision — but just like in your case the next two steps were having my water broken and pitocin. I was lucky enough to be one of those women who fall into the “epidural helps them relax” category and a low level of pit helped me progress enough to have the vaginal birth I had imagined, but I could just have easily ended up with a c-section. It’s scary how quickly birth interventions seem to follow each other.
There’s something about being a patient in a hospital bed that makes you feel helpless and awkward and submissive (maybe it’s the gowns) and even very strong willed women can lose their voices. Your advice to find a doula is spot on and I know several women who have had successful VBACs with the support of a good birthing center, but don’t focus too much energy on a not-even-conceived-yet child’s birth when you have a beautiful baby to love on.
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I followed your #twitterbirth and was very moved at your generosity of sharing one of the most pivotal moments of your life. I am very happy that you and Ryan are healthy and I want you to know that as a Doula, I know that successful VBAC is possible. It takes commitment, perseverance and a very, very supportive circle of people on your birth team.
As a massage therapist, I can tell you that when labor begins with a VBAC, you will most likely feel contractions in your scar area first because the tissue is more fibrotic than the surrounding area, take it slow and have faith. Since muscle has memory and the uterus is one big muscle, it may rest at the point when the section took place (for you that was 8cm). Be patient, if baby’s heart tones remain good you have plenty of time and your uterus will realize it still has work to do and will begin contracting again. Try different positions and believe in your body. You can do it when you are ready.
In the meantime, enjoy your beautiful boy and allow yourself forgiveness and healing. You did the best you could with what you had at the time. And that is all any of us can do.
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Please be gentle with yourself. It takes a while to recover from a csection, even longer from an unwanted one.
There are too many similar stories. I have one too. I had been progressing some over 24 hours no epi no pit. Transfer to hospital from birth center for meconium. Friday night at 6 o’clock, suddenly everyone wants me to have an epi and pit, then all of a sudden non reassuring fetal heart tones. Argh. They speed me into the OR leaving my DH behind wondering wtf?
It takes a little while to leave it behind for you too. All the research on VBAC and ICAN and such can wait. Heal yourself, body and soul and enjoy your babymoon. Then go kick some csection ass
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Emily,
Thanks so much for sharing. I think your experience really opened my eyes some more. I want to tell myself my experience will be better because I have different views of childbirth (I’m not as into it for the experience as some others) but at the same time I don’t want to be taken advantage of… Who does?
My husband and I watched The Business of Being Born together, and we sorta get the whole “business” side of labor and delivery but at the same time I think we’re going into it hoping for the best and expecting the worse.
It’s hard cause I want to get into the whole “natural” mindset but I know I will most likely ask for the epidural at some point, and that kinda kicks the rest of the plan out the door. I also think a doula would be great but I’m wondering if coughing up that expense is worth it to me… Or if I’m ok going into it with my husband… Which I kind of like the idea of more.
The one thing I think I have going for me is that I like my OB, and her staff. I’m so sorry you don’t like your clinic. I also get that a c-section may happen for me… and I’m already ok with that. I think I worry more about feeling mad at myself after labor than the expereince of labor… So that’s why I’m a little afraid of setting goals that may change.
I don’t know how to go into it now! lol. It’s good to set goal but what if I’m sad for months after cause I didn’t accomplish them? I’d rather just expect the worse, but I don’t want that either. It’s like being between a rock and a hard place!
I appreciate so much you sharing your story, it really opens my eyes to what can happen to ANYONE! But what makes me feel so sad is you being sad
I hate that they made you feel bad about yourself. This is suppose to be a happy time and they took part of that from you.
Ok my question: What would you suggest I specifically ask my OB about c-section rates, pitocin, etc? And when is a good time to do this and talk about a birth plan? Did you do this? I’m guessing it’s better earlier than later so you can switch OBs if necessary, but at the same time I don’t want it to seem too premature.
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Baby Dickey Reply:
January 9th, 2010 at 11:26 pm
Jenn, thanks for your comment… I’m so glad to know that I’m helping others who have yet to give birth. And yes, it is hard sometimes to be hurt and upset over my birth, but at the same time– so happy and so in love with Ryan! Don’t worry about me too much, Ryan takes the majority of my time (and my thoughts) and I have much less time to dwell on my labor. And Ryan makes me happy
I answered your questions in a new blog post because I got some questions from people by email too… so check that out.
If you’re already accepting of a c-section and are a little bit less concerned over the “how” of your labor, I think you have much less to worry about. You may end up with an unnecessary c-section though, and that’s what you really need to be ok with. I would have been (more) okay with a c-section if it had been an emergency and absolutely necessary, you know?
You may be able to find a doula that will do it for free (or very cheap) just by asking. Someone on twitter actually offered to come to my birth to help us basically for free, but we said no thanks. For some reason I feel like a doula is more important to have if you want the natural route, but I’m sure they’re helpful anyway. Some people say they’re great to have around so your husband can get some rest or leave and get some food. But.. my mom was there most of the time and she filled in for Steve when he wanted a break (happened twice in 24 hours – for food). So… it depends I guess on who you have around you and what support you’ll have.
Best of luck and let me know if you have any other questions! I hope I’ve helped and not confused
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Everyone -
), but I want all of you to know that I REALLY appreciate you taking the time to write. Your thoughts and stories are very helpful to me and I am especially happy to know that I am helping many who have yet to give birth. So.. thanks to all of you!!!
I just don’t have time to reply to each of you (my most recent post took me 3 hours to write, thanks to a crying baby
(Kia– you absolutely did not slap me in the face on twitter. I love support from everyone and although it may be hard for me hear something like “a healthy baby is all that matters”, I know everyone only means well and is trying to help. Besides, it is true! It’s just hard to hear because it makes me feel like I shouldn’t be upset about my birth… but I know I have every right to be and I completely know that’s not what you (or anyone else) meant. No worries!!! and thank you!)
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I had a similar story…planned natural birth that ended in C-section after pitocin and epi…they claimed the cord around the baby’s neck caused distress…but I am willing to bet it had a lot to do with the drugs and unbearable contractions.
I had a home birth VBAC with my second child. He was born at 42 weeks and 10.5 pounds of healthy baby. We all do the best we can in the situation we are faced with at the time. I know it’s hard to let go of an unplanned c-section. But all you can do is forgive yourself and use your new knowledge to try to do better next time
Best of luck.
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(((hugs))) I’m sorry you experienced this.
I’ve had three births, I have a high risk condition and it’s safer for me to give birth in a hospital, however with 2 of my three births I had doctors, nurses, and doulas who supported me in natural birth, so two of my three births were incredible and beautiful, despite them being in a hospital.
My second birth could easily have turned out somewhat like yours, and I felt very very angry after it, on one hand I was wiser because I had had a first birth experience and knew that my labors are very long (mine have all been over 30 hours), however with this second one the nurse, and the doctor were completely dismissive of me, they were patronizing, they kept lecturing me that all that mattered was a healthy baby, I had to fight to be able to walk because my leg was paralyzed from the epidural (I had two support people to help hold me up) and they pushed pitocin on me that i didnt want. I got an epidural with that one because the hospital was too full when I arrived and i had to wait in admitting for 7 hours, I was cold, uncomfortable, listening to half a dozen other suffering laboring women (some on the floor, crying). Anyways, like you, I blame my experience on getting the epidural in the first place, as soon as you get an epidural you lose some of your autonomy, the freedom to move, and like you, it slowed my labor way down.
I healed from that horrible birth by having a nice third birth, and my anger is mostly gone, but reading stories like yours, I can feel it on your behalf, coupled with my own. Those medical folks think they’re doing the right thing, but they’re so used to bullying birthing women in order to get done what they’ve been taught is right that it’s normal to them to disregard our feelings and distress.
Your baby is beautiful, you are too, what a cute family the three of you make. I wish you the best on your healing journey, and I hope that you get to have a beautiful subsequent birth.
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I am so sorry you did not get the birth for which you hoped. Take care of yourself — remember it’s OK to mourn your birth experience. It’s so hard for people who have not been there to understand how you can be thrilled with your child but so unhappy with your birth experience. 18 months of therapy for PTSD after my c-section taught me that the two are entirely unrelated. That I may never be OK with my birth experience, but I’m OK with the fact that I’m disappointed & angry. My feelings are valid & so are yours.
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I can so totally relate… and I just wanna cry right now! My oldest is 6 and ended up being an emergency c/s. They said he was in distress… but I had only been in labor for 5 hours, had dilated to an 8 and he was well into the birth canal, when they decided to slice me open and wrench him out. I feel like you do, that my decision to have an epidural might have had something to do with it and I’ve struggled with so many emotions surrounding his birth. With my 2nd son (now 4) I wanted an VBAC and my OB talked me out of it. She said I could possibly rupture and my life & the baby’s would be at risk. So I foolishly believed her and we scheduled a 2nd c/s. Now I’m 28 weeks pregnant with our 3rd. I have armed myself with so much knowledge & numbers & statistics. I am going in with guns blazing & I’m gonna try for the birth I want. I can’t birth at home but I’m determined to make the most of a hospital birth… and I hired a doula. I’m sorry so many women have to go through this, and most doctors choose convenience over healthy mom & baby (both physically & emotionally).
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P.S. You can contact me if you want: 2boyzmum@gmail.com
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And you story, JUST LIKE MINE, is the reason I’m training to be a doula. I KNOW if I had had an advocate, someone other than my husband (who knew zilch about child birth) to remind me why I wanted the things I wanted, I would have held out.
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I think you just wrote my story… I think you just wrote the story of many C section moms. The whole “You got a healthy baby and you are fine” line is true, but it doesn’t recognize that it’s not the best birth experience or one anyone who hasn’t been through a C can even try to understand.
Lots of luck with your handsome little boy!
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Wow. You are brave because you’ve shared all this, that’s why. I just want to say…be patient with yourself, your healing process. Sometimes challenging or even traumatic experiences serve a purpose, and make way for better ones. Just taking this first step at recognizing the unfair system that did not work for you and everyone’s role in it is extremely powerful.
I have a feeling that you are going to go on to birth a perfect baby vaginally someday…it’s mamas like you (and me!) that learn from these experiences and do everything in their power to make the next time better, or to reach out and help others like us. Many, many blessings!
~a scarred mother of an unnecessarean who went on to birth gently at home the next time
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Wow. I’m so sorry to hear that you didn’t get the birth you wanted. I know with my section I was so excited about the baby and so disappointed with the delivery. When I’d try to voice my disappointment (very mildly) to my friends, they would look at me like I was nuts! They were like, “Who cares? Everything turned out fine.” Not really.
I honestly think that the main thing that went wrong here was an unsupportive birth team. A supportive birth team can be so hard to find (or impossible, depending on your circumstances or where you live). They didn’t offer you any suggestions for natural pain management, they offered no encouragement. I’m so sorry. And you know, I’m not one of those people who can be in pain and be confident standing up to doctors giving a “worst case scenerio” that may or may not be true. I have no idea how those women go in and just take charge of their births in the face of having to fight everyone. I think I’d go unassisted first! It sounds like you did a great job. This was so the birth team’s fault.
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Hi, there! I am sorry things didn’t go as planned! I am on a mission to educate women (well, encourage women to educated themselves) about delivery and they way hospital births seem to be going nowadays. It seems MOST women have not a clue in the world that they themselves have at least a 1 in 3 chance of being forced into a C-Section! Or the dangers of all of the hospital interventions. It makes me sick. You are super educated and I believe empowered by what you went through. I also believe that your story can be used as encouragement and also enlightening for other women. Would you mind if I reposted your birth story to my blog? It’s almost brand new but my goal for it is to get the word out about midwifery care and natural childbirth in an encouraging, enlightening way! And I love your story because of your honesty. Thanks! Heather
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Wow. *tears in eyes*
I agree with what others have said in the comments.
You have given us a gift by sharing your story. Take time to grieve. Be easy with your self.
One thing I want to add is my suggestion for you to look up other VBAC stories when you are planning your next baby. Google VBA2C, VBA3C, VBA4C, VBA5C … yes, women have given birth vaginally after 5+ C-sections! It will help you to get your head into the certain possibility for your self.
(((HUGS)))
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Thanks so much to everyone who has commented… every bit helps and the support here is incredible. Every comment I get makes my eyes water a bit… thank you.
Hethir — absolutely, feel free to post my birth story. Same goes to anyone else! No need to ask me, but I’d love if you left a link of where it is so I can see it
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You did a wonderful job. All I can say is a course that helped prepare me for what to expect in labor and at the hospital was “The Bradley Method”. Is that offered near you? Perhaps you will get a second chance with your second child. Also the OB’s tend to be the most invasive not wanting to sit on their hands. Hopefully you can find a good, friendly Family Practitioner with OB that will do VBAC. I wish your beautiful family the best! Way to go!
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Hey! I responded to your email, also! I will post your story as soon as I have time! Hopefully tomorrow (Monday) afternoon or Tuesday AM. Here is my blog address: wombknittings.blogspot.com
Thanks again!!!
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This is my birthstory too.
I’m a failed VBAC as well to the stars not aligning on the day of a post-date visit. My non-VBAC section turned into GA! This is all so frustrating.
Big Hugs!
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When I read your story, I realize that some things happen to us because we are the best way for others to learn. You are so insightful, and so many women will learn from YOU, who has gone through the system and is so willing to talk about it. How else could some women know what it is like out there in those hospitals? I teach childbirth ed, and women don’t always believe ME when I tell them about what they’ll be convinced to do while in labor. But your story – it is golden. I hope you realize what a gift this is!! Whatever your beliefs, please know that you must have been chosen to go through this for others to learn from your experience. Blessings…
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First of all I am very sorry to see your reaction and disappointment to the fact that you had a cesarean section. Part of this comes from the fact that the cesarean section has been over-used and women really have no faith in the medical system. I would however, like to address some of the things you make reference to because I think there are some misunderstandings and misconceptions that are only being fed by some of the more vocal women here.
I have never personally used “pit to distress” a baby and I think what you are making reference to is something called a nonreassuring fetal heart rate tracing. Some babies will do this with regular contractions and some will do it with pitocin. The problem lies when a baby starts having fetal distress in labor that is controlled with pitocin. Many hospitals will have protocols in place (designed by the horrible doctors) that the nurses are to undertake if this happens. In some cases, the issue is what do you do if a baby is not tolerating labor? You stop the pitocin and do normal procedures like oxygen and repositioning. If the distress resolves then you slowly start the pitocin again. In many cases it will not return and it can be that the contractions were hypersystolic or too close together. What then if it returns? Many physicians will say, go ahead and continue with the pitocin because contractions are necessary for the baby to come out and if the baby cannot tolerate labor then we need to consider a cesarean. Is this right or wrong? I suppose it depends on you and your opinions really. These supposed “nurses” that are coming forward claiming doctors are using pitocin to distress are as responsible if they are increasing the pitocin. There is no law that they need to do what the doctors order and a good nurse will call the doctor and ask why if they feel there is something wrong. They can also refuse. The maximum amount of pitocin is not 20mu. The maximum level for pitocin administration is 30mu and you being at 24mu is perfectly safe. If your baby was not tolerating this level because your contractions were too close then this would not be appropriate.
“I don’t think the body makes a baby too big to fit” 300 years ago I would have agreed with you on this, maybe even 100 years ago. The reason I say that is because women that had an unfavorable pelvis would have died in labor and those genes would not have been transmitted to future generations. This is simple genetics. This trait would not have survived and so women with a gynecoid pelvic shape would have had genetic dominance. With the advent of the cesarean section and used for those patients that might have had too narrow of a pelvis these women and their children survive and this pelvic shape (android) continues to reproduce and live (obviously a wonderful thing), but they transmit that pelvis to their female offspring and this could be part of what elevates the cesarean rate. The second issue I have with this statement is that you are taking into account a normal diet in a country that is overrun by obesity. Those women do make babies that are too big to fit, because the American diet is wrought with calories not necessary.
Women have died during VBAC, but the number is very small. You simply need to call around and find a provider that performs VBAC, although their numbers are dwindling and it has everything to do with litigation and nothing to do with research. Many of the angered authors on this thread are angry because they are not being heard, and this is unfortunate that they do not have a larger voice, but I am aware that certain malpractice carriers will recommend to their OB’s that they not do VBAC or that they might not be covered; what would you do in this instance?
The biggest tragedy here is you feeling like you should have tried or held out longer and I hope that you are able to release this feeling someday. I would agree that homebirth or a birthing center would be a wonderful option for most women. In Canada the midwives are the first line provider and if there is an issue they call the OB. A wonderful model, but not the one we employ in this country, and I do not feel it will be changing any time soon. The Business of Being Born is propaganda and while it definitely brings up many flaws and issues it offers a very biased view of the system; rightfully so if you are a member of ICAN.
This post may never see the light of day if you choose to not post it, and I would understand why. This post will also garner the wrath of those who promote their own agenda and have swallowed some other disappointment in their own lives to the point where they now have chosen altruism as an outlet. Fighting the system with anger and hatred will not make it change, it will only breed the same from the other side. It will not change the should-of could-of that you are dealing with. It will only be cause to hang on to it longer; a wound that you are already trying to heal.
I am anonymous for fear of the expected negativity that will no doubt come from those that patriotically push their agendas. I wish you the best and hope that you experience a successful VBAC. You have a gorgeous little baby with huge eyes. I wish we could all see through them.
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I’m sorry you’re disappointed with your birth experience. As a mother, I can empathize with you. Despite being a nurse I still did not experience what I expected during labor. It is your birth but nobody “took advantage” of you. Nobody forced you to do anything you didn’t want to do. Did you not have to agree to a cesarean? Was not your husband there with you?
Maybe the epidural stalled you labor. You said you couldn’t do it without the pain relief though. Maybe the pitocin forced you into a cesarean. Who knows whether you could have even pushed the baby out yourself? I didn’t have an epidural and am very small like you are. My baby was born small as well. She was 6 lbs 2 oz. I didn’t have pitocin, did everything the way you had planned and still ended up with a cesarean. Some of us just don’t have the bodies to handle it. Please look at it from a different perspective if you can.
You and your baby could have died if you didn’t have the option of a csection. Would you have preferred that? Would you have preferred to subject yourself to the pain for hours just to find out that you still needed the cesarean? Hindsight seems 20/20 but in the medical field it isn’t at all. You never know what COULD have happened. Thankfully you are alive and safe as well as your baby. You can try for a VBAC. I definitely will. I just know that the same thing may happen again. In that case, I would mentally prepare yourself.
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Her and her baby probably would have been perfectly fine if there was no pit to distress to begin with.
I sat and watched her birth on twitter all night long with a heavy heart because all they did to her, they did to me with my first baby.
The fact that it MAY have saved her doesn’t change anything.. The section was CAUSED by the providers who took advantage of her.
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Dear Medical Professional commenters — you need to realize that you are talking to someone who is a) not your patient, and b) is dealing with what, from her perspective, was a coerced birth process.
You have the right to your opinions, but just because, you personally are wonderful medpros (and you probably are) who would never coerce a patient..it happens. I have nurses in my family, and they have seen it – pit to distress, too-early c/secs leading to premature babies, brutal treatment of laboring women, and so on.
We only recently got rid of routine episiotomies in this country, and they had never been proven to have any therapeutic benefit. We STILL insist on confining most laboring women to bed on their backs, the absolute worst way to labor, if not outright than by tethering her to monitors that can’t be moved, numbing her with an epidural, etc.
You cannot look at risks unless you include iatrogenic risks – risks that hospital practice itself causes – and it is long past time to take a hard looks at our use of Pitocin, restraint, lack of food or drink, induction, and too-strict timetables – not to mention skyrocketing c-sec rates – in terms of what risks those practices introduce in themselves. Our maternal and infant mortality rates are still too high in comparison to other countries with equally advanced medicine.
Birth practice in the hospital needs to be questioned and reevaluated from the bottom up. And while that my be threatening to you, if you care about your patients as you claim, you should be willing to entertain the idea that their well-being is more important than what makes you comfortable.
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Medically minded commenters:
I understand you deal with labor and delivery as your job. So do I. But, I do not go around commenting on women’s posts about how they felt about their births saying they could have died and they are the ones that are to blame for what happened. That is slimy and low.
I stayed up all night with this woman watching her labor and trying to reassure her through it. I wish I could have done it in person. She is an incredibly strong woman, and she fought far longer than most women could have.
If she hadn’t needed the epidural, or the pitocin, or the cesarean, sure things would have been different. But, just because a woman needs an epidural does not mean that she needs to keep having pitocin upped because the baby is not descending as you would like it to. She could have had her baby just fine without the interventions that were pushed on her.
And not all doctors and nurses are like the ones she had. I had a few great nurses and have met a few great doctors. The problem here is that this woman was meant to feel like her body failed. No one was in distress, no one needed to have surgery. Mom and baby were doing great, and the doctor got inpatient and took her in for a cesarean.
You can only fight so much during your labor before you give up and give in.
So please, next time you decide to comment on a post like this, think before you type. This is a real woman that had a very traumatic birth. Use your brain. Stop being a robot.
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Big hugs to you sweetie! I totally relate to what you went through and the feelings you are still processing. Just wanted to show you love and support. (Which is what everyone should be doing!) XOXO
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How was the consent not informed? I just ask because it seemed as though she was informed going in.
She knew the risks of getting an epidural.
She knew that having an epidural exponentially increased her chances of winding up with a cesarean.
She had the choice to say no to Pitocin.
She had the choice of delivering her baby at a hospital from which she received medical services she found unfavorable to begin with.
She had the choice to have her water broken.
She had the choice to leave the hospital at any point during the delivery.
She didn’t speak up. I hope this inspires everybody to SPEAK UP. Don’t be shy or scared of your doctors and nurses. MOST of them work to help you and ensure safety to you and your baby. Are health care professionals required to read your mind and know how much a natural birth means to you? Will they be the ones haunted by a bad birth experience months after it occurred? The answer is no.
The suggestion that doctors and nurses are “in a rush” to get you a cesarean and out the door is mostly untrue. The fact is, the longer the baby remains undelivered once the bag of waters has been ruptured, the better the chances of acquiring an infection. But of course, as most of you are birth experts, you probably know this.
I suggest that if you are so disappointed with your experience that you write to the board at your hospital, file a complaint, and sue your doctor. You probably will not feel any better until you do something to prove that your doctors and nurses did not give you INFORMED consent to others and to yourself.
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To Another Doctor:
She did speak up — I was there. She did tell her doctor that the last thing she wanted was a C-section, but the Dr. pretty much talked her into it at a very distressing time during labor. She wasn’t scared of her nurse or her doctor. She asked questions to nurses and the doctor. The doctor was cold and uncaring with no emotional connection whatsoever. No smile, no warmth, no smiles. Why make such comments to someone who obviously feels badly about this? Yes — she had a choice but she trusted that the doctor was doing the right thing to help her have her baby naturally.
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[…] This post was mentioned on Twitter by TheFeministBreeder and Baby Dickey, ICAN of DuPage Co.. ICAN of DuPage Co. said: Advice from a mom who recently suffered an unwanted an unnecessary cesarean RT @babydickey: http://bit.ly/81zu8D #VBAC […]