I judged, I lied.

It’s still crazy to me how different life has become since Ryan was born. I thought things changed or that I understood when I was pregnant. I was wrong. I thought I knew what kind of mother I would be, what kind of choices I wanted to make. Even though that baby is part of you the moment you become pregnant, everything changes again the moment you hold that baby in your arms.

I said I’d never co-sleep. I thought the idea of it was ridiculous and dangerous and WHY would I want a baby in my bed–that baby is going in his crib in his own room and life will be all peachy and perfect!

I said I’d never pick his nose. Nuh-uh, no way, not in a million years, GROSS!

I said I’d never use cloth diapers. Ummm, stinky poo in my washing machine? Wear I clean MY clothes?! Touching them? Um, poop and pee will make my skin melt, thankyouverymuch.

I had a goal of breastfeeding for one year, but questioned whether I’d make it. (But I do hate to be wrong [stubborn mama] so I’m sure I would have made it anyway).

I said I’d never have a c-section.

I said homebirths are gross. That was not even remotely close to being an option for us.

I said I wouldn’t give up my life. Meaning: going out if I wanted, listening to my music, going shopping for cute clothes {and getting dressed up}.

Now? Not to say that I did give up my life, but now Ryan is my life. The thing is, I don’t want to go out. Sure, sometimes I want a break, but most of the time, I want Ryan. My music has been replaced with Raffi and “here we go! let’s go riding, riding, riding… here we go, let’s go riding, riding to the store!” the whole time we’re in the car. Shopping for cute clothes? Absolutely! But it’s not usually for me, it’s for Ryan. And getting dressed up? Only because I have to go to work. Otherwise I’d LIVE in sweat pants and pajamas and sweatshirts. What’s the point when they’re covered in slobber and milk and snot? {Not to mention that it’s nearly impossible to spend any quality time getting ready to leave the house}

Now? I never want to step foot in an OB’s office or a hospital again. Ever. HOMEBIRTH ALL THE WAY! Now that is the only option for us.

Now? I’m still recovering from my c-section that I said I’d never have. I started a cesarean support group (ICAN) where I live as co-leader.

Now? If I am done breastfeeding when Ryan is a year old… that’s 3.5 months away (AH!)… I will cry. First of all, I can’t imagine ever telling him no when he wants to come nurse. I guess I should welcome myself to the world of self-weaning. He’ll stop when he’s ready.

Now? I’m obsessed with cloth diapers and so is my husband. I only wish we had done this from the start. They’re cute, they’re soft and they’re free of chemicals, which means they’re great for Ryan’s lil bottom. Touching pee and poop is pretty much a given whether you use cloth or disposables, so there isn’t much difference there. Instead of throwing them away, you throw them in the wash. EASY. LOVE.

Now? I SEARCH for those boogers. Okay, I don’t go digging, but I notice and as soon as I see boogies in his nose, I go after them. It’s almost like I enjoy getting them out. With my fingers, yes.

Now? I can’t imagine life without co-sleeping. Life isn’t all peachy and perfect and Ryan does not sleep well in his crib. He wants his mama and that doesn’t bother me one bit. Sometimes I wish he’d sleep on his own, but then I get sad that my baby wouldn’t be my cuddle bug anymore! It works for us and we <3 it.

Don’t knock it till ya try it.

11 comments to I judged, I lied.

  • I could have written this post!

    <3

    [Reply]

  • Sounds just like my life! I’ve said and done all those things!

    Had 2 c-sections (was devastated both times, they were breech)

    Started cloth diapering my 2nd at 15 months (am kicking myself for not doing it earlier)

    Breastfed and wanted to do it at least a year but had to go back on arthritis meds (again, I was devastated)

    Still co-sleep and my guys are 2 and 4! (Hubby works 3rd so we have the bed all to ourselves)

    I have been known to not only wipe my kids boogers with bare hands, but have caught myself doing it to friends’ kids as well!

    Love this post mama! 🙂

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  • Jessica

    I said I’d never use my spit to clean my kid’s face. My mom used to do that to me and I HATED it! I’ve been tempted a few times, but I haven’t caved . . . yet.

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    Melissa Reply:

    I get the urge to do that and I don’t even have kids of my own! I teach preschool!

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  • love love love this post. I agree with each and every thing! and I <3 you!!

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  • I agree too!

    I’m so pissed at the doctors and hospitals that made you lose faith in all OBs and hospitals. I can’t wait until you have your home birth, it’s going to be awesome!!! Don’t rush it though!

    I sorta always knew I’d co-sleep, I love cuddling with Mason, I don’t even need B to be there lol. I pick Mason’s boogies all the time too, I still think it’s gross lol.

    [Reply]

  • Erica Clements

    I feel the same way and wouldn’t trade it for anything!

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  • Love it!!! I always catch myself doing things I said I’d NEVER do… lots of the same things you said actually! I always tell A, I will NEVER say a judgmental thing about a parenting style we haven’t tried ever again.

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  • I had a very similar mindset, especially about life and co-sleeping. I feel ya there! Baby E is more my life than I ever really (naively) thought he would become! While I did get the natural, intervention-free birth in a hospital (I hardly even had a nurse in the room except for a couple monitoring moments; it was fantastic), I definitely thought we’d never co-sleep and I’d never go for those boogers. I thought co-sleeping was a terrible idea. Now, baby E’s crib is hardly used. He will sleep in it when he first goes down for the night, but is always in our bed as soon as he wakes up to eat and for the rest of the night. He has always, always slept better with us than alone. I remember feeling so guilty those first few weeks, but the sleep we all got when together was too delicious, too necessary to our sanity, that I stopped feeling bad and realized its just what worked for us.

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  • Haha, this is why I have a whole new “confessions” side of my blog… constantly kicking myself. Though, I don’t think I *judged* per sey, I just knew… I mean *thought* lots wasn’t for me 🙂

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    babydickey Reply:

    Haha… I think I judged in the sense that I’d be like – ah! that mom is just letting her kid cry in this store, annoying! – or… is she really changing a diaper on the floor right there?!… and, whaaaat?! WHY would you sleep in bed with your baby?! LOL

    [Reply]

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