No, not right now. Or anytime in the immediate future. (Sorry if I got your hopes up!) But someday… soon. After an 11-month hiatus, the baby making days are back, if you know what I mean. And I’m not on birth control–I tried every type possible before Ryan and none of them agreed with me. To the point where I started getting 3-4 migraines a week and my doctor told me I was at risk for a stroke and she refused to fill another prescription. So we’re doing the “family planning” method and I’m not worried about it. But what I am worried about is being unprepared for the next pregnancy.
Ideally, we’d get pregnant again next fall. I’d really love for the baby to be born in April – May – early June because as a teacher, I can have the summers off. With Ryan, I went back to work after 6 weeks. It’d be amazing to have an entire summer off–3 months!–with the new baby before going back. That means I’d need to get pregnant in late July – August – early September. That’s kind of far away, so who knows what will happen.
The other great reason for waiting till next fall is that I’m not ready. Yes, I want another baby. Yes, it’d be okay if that happened now (or soon). But I’m not ready… from my c-section… I’m not ready. I have a whole list of things I want to do before getting pregnant. Yes, I want the baby, but right now I’m too focused on the birth.
My to-do list:
Find a midwife and establish a relationship
Check with my insurance about homebirths
Talk to the OB that cut me… or write her a letter… or, you know, ram my car into her house (…kidding, ha. ha.)
READ. Become even more knowledgeable on birth, c-sections, VBACs and homebirths. No one will take advantage of me again.
Find my support team (including a doula)
Take a birthing class–and not the crap offered at the hospitals here, but somewhere like Birthing Babes
Buy the home study Hypnobabies course
Have Steve read (re-read) the Bradley Method book
Get in shape (not lose weight, just get FIT–maybe start running again)
Overcome my fear.
That’s another list…. what fear?
I am afraid of failing again (even though all of you will tell me I did not fail).
I am afraid of a repeat cesarean (and the person I will become if it happens).
I am afraid of a homebirth (even though I want it so badly).
I am afraid something will go wrong (even though chances are so low).
What have I missed on my to-do list? Any advice??? Is there a magic fairy out there that can erase my fears? How about some VBAC success stories?! Those would help!!!