No, not right now. Or anytime in the immediate future. (Sorry if I got your hopes up!) But someday… soon. After an 11-month hiatus, the baby making days are back, if you know what I mean. And I’m not on birth control–I tried every type possible before Ryan and none of them agreed with me. To the point where I started getting 3-4 migraines a week and my doctor told me I was at risk for a stroke and she refused to fill another prescription. So we’re doing the “family planning” method and I’m not worried about it. But what I am worried about is being unprepared for the next pregnancy.
Ideally, we’d get pregnant again next fall. I’d really love for the baby to be born in April – May – early June because as a teacher, I can have the summers off. With Ryan, I went back to work after 6 weeks. It’d be amazing to have an entire summer off–3 months!–with the new baby before going back. That means I’d need to get pregnant in late July – August – early September. That’s kind of far away, so who knows what will happen.
The other great reason for waiting till next fall is that I’m not ready. Yes, I want another baby. Yes, it’d be okay if that happened now (or soon). But I’m not ready… from my c-section… I’m not ready. I have a whole list of things I want to do before getting pregnant. Yes, I want the baby, but right now I’m too focused on the birth.
My to-do list:
Find a midwife and establish a relationship
Check with my insurance about homebirths
Talk to the OB that cut me… or write her a letter… or, you know, ram my car into her house (…kidding, ha. ha.)
READ. Become even more knowledgeable on birth, c-sections, VBACs and homebirths. No one will take advantage of me again.
Find my support team (including a doula)
Take a birthing class–and not the crap offered at the hospitals here, but somewhere like Birthing Babes
Buy the home study Hypnobabies course
Have Steve read (re-read) the Bradley Method book
Get in shape (not lose weight, just get FIT–maybe start running again)
Overcome my fear.
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That’s another list…. what fear?
I am afraid of failing again (even though all of you will tell me I did not fail).
I am afraid of a repeat cesarean (and the person I will become if it happens).
I am afraid of a homebirth (even though I want it so badly).
I am afraid something will go wrong (even though chances are so low).
What have I missed on my to-do list? Any advice??? Is there a magic fairy out there that can erase my fears? How about some VBAC success stories?! Those would help!!!
i am rooting for you! I ended up having a repeat C with baby J. I expected to be a total wreck because of how hard I worked for my VBAC. This time though, I think it was a necessary C and that made a difference. I’m still sad, still have some what-ifs, but the experience wasn’t as bad as I had built it up to be and I am not as devastated as I thought I would be. I think this is because I had a really awesome doula. We spent a lot of time processing M’s delivery, walking through all the different “tricks” that might be used in the hospital, and how to tell the difference between what’s a problem and what’s not. This article was sent to me by someone on Twitter and maybe it’ll help you in your prep too (though probably irrelevant if you’re doing a homebirth?): http://www.birthtruth.org/efm.htm. The other thing my doula had me do was visualize a second c-section and come up with a birth plan for one. Discussing what it might look like did help my fear somewhat, and I don’t think it made me more likely to have one. I think it’s like the “ladder” exercise in cognitive behavioral therapy…you list you fear and then say why you’re afraid of it, and then why that is bad, and so on. Along the way you end up 1) facing the fear, which makes it less scary and 2) realizing you have so many coping mechanisms to either not have that outcome happen or to handle it if it does.
Anyway, you are going to be GREAT! You have already done so much to educate yourself and I think your to-do list sounds stellar! 🙂
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babydickey Reply:
December 26th, 2010 at 12:18 pm
Thanks so much. I think if I had another csec, I’d be okay if it was actually necessary… as long as it wasn’t necessary for reasons because of my FIRST c-section, because then they’d all still be “my fault,” you know? Ugh, it’s so tough. I definitely plan on making a cesarean birth plan and making sure it goes the way I want, if I must have one… I really need to work out my fears and realize what they really are. Thanks so much for the advice, that sounds like a great little exercise to do. Homebirth or not, that article you sent it awesome, thank you! I haven’t read the whole thing yet, but I will!! And am bookmarking it! 🙂
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Oh also, I hope my comment didn’t sound like I was saying c-sections are no big deal or anything, because that’s not how I meant it!
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I have looked into home birth, too! Unfortunately I found out that home births are illegal here in Illinois (they are not in Wisconsin, though). Basically that means you are on your own (no insurance), but a home birth is still much cheaper than a hospital birth. There is a midwife here in Rockford that does home births. You have probably heard of her already, her website is http://www.homebornhealth.com/.
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babydickey Reply:
December 26th, 2010 at 12:09 pm
Ahhh, homebirths are NOT illegal in Illinois!! Your body, your baby – you can give birth wherever the heck you want 😉 BUT in terms of having medical professionals present…. there are 2 different types of midwives. CNM (certified nurse midwife) and CPM (certified professional midwife). CPMs are illegal in IL… even though they are licensed, the state of IL doesn’t recognize their license – so CPMs doing homebirths are viewed by the state as practicing medicine without a license. Yes, you’re right, CPMs are legal in WI so you could just cross the border. Or you can find a CNM and have a legal homebirth in IL 🙂 and depending on the insurance that you have, it can be covered!
Thanks for that link, I actually wasn’t aware of her! I’ll definitely check it out.
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I have Hypnobabies material I didn’t use and could send you. Let me know if you want it!
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babydickey Reply:
December 26th, 2010 at 12:00 pm
Really?! Oh my gosh that would be incredible. I would love to have it! I’m going to email you right now 🙂
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My sister had a C with her first baby (told her that she couldn’t birth her based on the babies size and position, her daughter ended up being just over 6lbs…) and had really similar feelings to yours. She was able to have a successful natural VBAC with her second baby. The thing she did differently. . . stay home as long as possible. She was living in a down town (Seattle) apartment with her family and wasn’t comfortable with a homebirth in her apartment. But she labored at home as long as possible and was at 10cm when she arrived at the hospital! She delivered her girl and recovered there. It was just perfect.
Another friend of mine had two c-section and had a successful natural VBAC home birth with her third ( a nearly 14lb baby!). It was the single most empowering experience of her life.
You can do it! And as the cliche goes, Knowledge is Power!
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I’m going to tell you again- you did not fall! I thought you had to have a c section if you already had one?!?! I still think the most important thing to remember is the outcome- NOT the process – you had a BEAUTIFUL, HEALTHY baby boy!! And your friends and family will support you no matter what happens 🙂
Also, one of the people I work with had a home birth… then her third had to have an emergency c section… she really has positive things to say about home birth… but then my sis-in-law has had 2 c sections…cuz her babies were frickin huge (like 10+lbs… and the baby had problems…upside down or something)…and she is okay with that too. Again, whatever you decide 🙂 you will have a beautiful family no matter what happens 🙂 OUTCOME, my dear…
Love you!
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Catching up on my reader! Don’t know how I missed this. So exciting!!! Maybe we’ll be bump buddies again! And your fear list totally inspired me to write one and get them out there. I have some, too. I know you can do it, and also know that whatever happens YOU won’t fail and didn’t fail. xo
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