Can you prepare for the second baby?

I know that question just sounds ridiculous. From having one kid, I know that. Sure you can prepare the nursery and wash the clothes and get the diapers ready…. but that’s not what I’m talking about.

I’ve been spending lots of time thinking back to Ryan’s first few days, first few months… and remembering the crazy we’re about to go through once again. I’m so used to Ryan’s one nap a day… one poopy diaper a day… him being able to talk and tell me what he needs… he’s only 2, but I feel like I’ve forgotten the newborn phase!

There’s such a steep learning curve when you have a baby. It takes awhile to get your daily routine down… and even longer to find a way to do things efficiently again. Getting them in and out of the car seat, nursing, pumping, babywearing, etc.

And I know that even though I’ve done it once before–so things should be easier this time, right?!!–I know I’ll have an entirely new learning curve–one that’s all about getting TWO KIDS ready each day.

Can I prepare for that?!!?! Here are my crazy lady questions for those of you with more than one kid:

The car. I dreaded going anywhere with Ryan when he was little just because I hated the in and out of the car seat. Such a hassle! Once I got better at it (AND realized that was just part of life, lol), it was no biggie. But what happens when I have TWO?! Who do I put in the car seat first? Who do I get out first? I picture: getting Ryan out of the car seat first when we run errands because otherwise my arms will be full with a baby and I won’t be able to unstrap Ryan. So what is Ryan doing while I’m getting the baby out? Running wild through the street or parking lot, of course. AHHH!!! Maybe I’ll lock him in the trunk. MAYBE we need a mini-van!

The stroller. I didn’t use it a ton with Ryan, but it was handy for shopping trips. We are getting a double stroller for the 2 kids, but I guess my question is–does that work? Is it worth it? I imagine Ryan will want to walk and then baby will want to be held. I’ll be trying to keep Ryan from running off… while holding a baby… while pushing an empty double stroller, haha. Oh, and then I’ll be sweating. And swearing.

Sleeping. (What’s that?). Ryan takes one nap a day that’s 1-2 hours long. He’s in bed around 8:30pm and up around 6am. Yea it took us about 1.5 years to get that schedule down… he was not sleeping through the night before that. We co-slept forever.

We want a different plan with this baby. We need her on a schedule MUCH sooner than Ryan was. So my question is…. HOW?!? When Ryan takes his one nap for the day, I want the baby to be napping at the same time. Is that too much to ask?

Right now, Steve and I take turns putting Ryan down for bed. One night it’s my turn, the next night it’s Steve’s turn. It works out really well because we both get quality alone time with him and then we both get a break on the off nights. (Ryan’s bedtime routine takes like an hour). We figure once this baby comes, we’ll just never get a break. One night I’ll be with Ryan and Steve will be with the baby… the next night, I’ll be with the baby and Steve will be with Ryan…. which leads me to another question I guess–when can Ryan go to sleep on his own?! We always stay in his room with him until he falls asleep (an hour long process) otherwise he’d be crying it out and we don’t like that.

Breastfeeding. When I became pregnant with this baby girl, Ryan stopped nursing shortly after. Maybe because I had no milk? Maybe because it tasted different? No idea. I thought we were done for good, but he recently started back up again. I know I don’t have much milk, but there is some. He was nursing just at nap time and at bed time (if I was the one putting him to sleep), but he seems to be asking for it more and more and sometimes nurses during the day now. Maybe 3x/day?

I am wondering what to expect when this baby comes. Will Ryan be jealous? Will he want to nurse every time the baby nurses? That’s like… constantly… so I hope not, lol. I’m guessing he’ll nurse more, but someone told me their toddler actually nursed less/stopped because they said “milk is for the baby!” Anyone have a story to share?

nursing my baby boy at the park

Okay, I think that’s enough for now… I’m sure I have a million more questions, but I think this post is long enough. Basically… please share ANY tips you have for raising more than one kid and how you adjusted! I’d like to make this learning curve as short as possible :)

 

FPJ PASSES AWAY; Dies shortly after midnight in arms of family Death confirmed by doctor.(Main News)

Manila Bulletin December 14, 2004 Byline: BRENDA PIQUERO TUAZON Movie kingpin and opposition leader Fernando Poe Jr., who suffered a stroke Saturday evening, died shortly after midnight after receiving the last rites in the arms of his family.

His wife, movie actress Susan Roces, and daughter Mary Grace who had just arrived from Virginia were at his bedside at the St. Lukes Medical Center in Quezon City when FPJ died.

The 64-year-old movie icon, who came close to becoming President in this years May 10 elections, had avoided public appearances and maintained a stony silence shortly after he contested the results of the May polls by filing a complaint before the Presidential Electoral Tribunal.

Among the first to be informed of FPJs death was former President Joseph Estrada who was in his detention quarters in Tanay, Rizal.

Estrada had gone to see FPJ at the hospital on the first night of his confinement but since he was given only a three-hour furlough by the Sandiganbayan, he had to return the same night to Tanay Before he died, it was reported on GMA Channel 7s late night news program “Saksi” at past 12 midnight last night that something had appeared to have gone wrong when Sen. Jose “Jinggoy” Estrada rushed to the hospital.

Immediately after that, close friends and supporters started to arrive at the hospital one-by-one to check on what happened to him.

At around 1:40 a.m., FPJs physician, Dr. Abdias Aquino, confirmed FPJs death.

Earlier last night, movie queen Susan Roces, ever the serene and God-fearing person that she is, said that she was prepared to accept Gods will as her husband, movie king Fernando Poe, Jr., felled by a stroke Saturday night, remained in critical condition in the hospital.

Roces gave the statement as hordes of reporters and photographers, radio and television crews, and a big gathering of fans continued to crowd the St. Lukes Medical Center on E. Rodriguez Ave. in Quezon City. The swelling sea of people in the hospital premises on the second day of Poes confinement has forced the Philippine National Police (PNP) to deploy policemen in the area to reinforce the hospitals private security force for crowd control.

Despite their pain, Roces said her family takes comfort and strength in the extraordinary outpouring of support from long-time friends, admirers, and thousands of her husbands fans who had lighted candles, kept vigil, and held prayer rallies in churches in Metro Manila and in Poes hometown in Pangasinan, San Carlos City.

Last Sunday night, Estrada, using the cellphone of his wife Sen. Luisa “Loi” Ejercito Estrada, called Ms. Susan Roces to give her comfort and make her strong, and asked her “to stand undaunted in her faith in Divine Providence.” While he was talking to her, she noticed Estradas voice began to crack as he asked her to place her cellphone near the ear of her husband so he could talk to him.

“I tried so hard to keep away my tears all that time Erap was talking to my husband on my cellphone,” Poes wife said as her thoughts raced back through the more than four decades of their friendship, through all the good and bad times.

Estradas arrival at her husbands hospital room late Sunday night, according to Mrs. Poe, “brought cheer not only to our family, but specially to me.” Since Saturday night after her husband was taken to the St. Lukes Medical Center, hundreds of friends had streamed into hospital corridors, bringing flowers and food for the family. this web site last night movie

FPJs sisters Elizabeth, Genevieve, Evangeline, and brother Frederick arrived early yesterday from California.

Daughter Grace arrived late last night from Virginia with her youngest child.

Mrs. Poe said her husbands sisters, brothers, and their families had been looking forward to a big Christmas reunion on her husbands invitation at their Greenhills home this year.

“Our daughter and three grandchildren were supposed to arrive shortly before Christmas, but just the same, we will still have our Christmas reunion because this is what my husband wanted,” she said.

Her husbands illness had caught her by surprise because in the 36 years of their marriage, described in the industry as among the most admirable since their almost fairytale wedding, she cannot remember FPJ getting sick.

“There was only one time I took him to the hospital when he had a bum stomach, and was given about two bottles of dextrose to avoid being dehydrated, and that was all,” she said.

Poe suffered a stroke late Saturday night during a Christmas party he gave his staff at the FPJ Studio in Del Monte Ave., QC. He was then with musicianactor Jaime Fabregas, Rep. Francis Escudero and Makati City Mayor Jejomar Binay.

He initially complained of dizziness and when he began to throw up, his brother and nephews took him to the hospital where he was immediately listed in critical condition.

As of yesterday, attending doctors described FPJs condition practically as “more of the same since Saturday.” Among those who visited FPJs family were former President Cory Aquino and son Noynoy, former First Lady Mrs. Imelda Marcos and daughter Imee, Senators Alfredo Lim, Richard Gordon, Aquilino Pimentel Jr., Lito Lapid, and Mayor Jejomar Binay of Makati City.

Poes vice-presidential candidate Loren Legarda, campaign spokesman and former Sen. Tito Sotto, former Sen. Tessie Aquino Oreta, and former Comelec Chairman Harriet O. Demetriou were among the visitors at the hospital.

As Poe lay in a coma Monday morning, his wife, a devout Catholic, said she continued to “wait in hope and faith knowing that there is always a reason for every season, and when seasons change, God will always stand by me.” Yesterday morning, President Estrada noted the medical bulletin issued by Dr. Abdias Aquino, the attending neurologist of FPJ at St. Lukes Medical Center in Quezon City, stating that FPJs medical condition had worsened, said, “May the Lord be his strength during this most critical challenge of his life.” “Pareng Ronnie, mahal ka namin, at maraming nagmamahal sa iyo, kailangan ka ng bayan; alam kong kaya mong lampasan ang pagsubok na ito,” Estrada told Poe, who ran but lost to President Gloria Macapagal Arroyo during the presidential election last May10. in our site last night movie

The deposed leader also gave Poes wife Susan Roces, words of comfort.

“Mareng Susan, the Filipino people is behind you in asking God for Ronnies speedy recovery,” he said.

Before FPJ succumbed to his illness, many officials and friends issued statements expressing their concern and praying for his recovery.

Sen. Lito Lapid said, “Let us all pray for the quick recovery of FPJ who has dedicated most of his life to the improvement of the Philippine movie industry and the development of the lives of the Filipino people even before he sought public office.” Lapid said he has maintained his personal relationship with FPJ despite their political affiliations during the last elections when they ran for public offices under opposing political parties.

“I continued to hold him in high esteem despite our political differences and we have maintained our high level of friendship which was established years ago when we were both working in the movie industry,” Lapid said.

Lapid added he continued to acknowledge his indebtedness to FPJ who had given him his break as an actor during his early years in the movie industry.

Hopes dim for actors recovery Hopes for an early recovery for action star Fernando Poe Jr. dimmed after his condition took a turn for the worse yesterday due to damaged blood vessels in his brain.

A medical bulletin distributed by House of Representatives Minority Leader Francis Escudero (NPC, Sorsogon), who is acting as official spokesman for the Poe family, revealed that the movie idol remained in coma 36 hours after he was taken to the St. Lukes Medical Center following a stroke Saturday night.

“His condition has deteriorated further 36 hours after the stroke,” Escudero told members of the House media.

He said Poe no longer breathes by himself, and that breathing is aided by support system.

However, Escudero said there are clear indications that Poe is “still fighting” for his life despite his worsening condition.

Escudero added that a big portion of the third floor of St. Lukes Medical Center has been reserved for the family and close friends.

The area will be off limits to the media.

He also cited Poes wife, actress Susan Roces, for demonstrating courage in the face of her husbands predicament.

“Kahit malungkot, matatag pa rin si Susan. Siya pa nga ang pinanggagalingan ng lakas ng loob at pag-asa ng lahat ng nagmamahal kay FPJ,” said Escudero. (Susan has remained strong, although sad. In fact, she has lent courage and hope to all those who care for FPJ).

The medical bulletin issued at 1:11 p.m. yesterday by Dr. Abdias V. Aquino, attending neurologist, indicating that Poe, who led the s opposition in last Mays presidential elections, suffered a “severe brain attack” or stroke.

The stroke was triggered by blood obstruction in both the “anterior and posterior brain circulation due to occlusion of blood vessels.” “He is still in a coma and has multiple organ system involvement. His blood pressure is being supported by medicine,” Aquino said.

Aquino, also the head of the Stroke Service of the Institute for Neurosciences at St. Lukes, disclosed that other “multidisciplinary experts” are involved in managing Poes medical condition.

Interpreting the medical bulletin, Rep. Antonio Yapha, a doctor and chairman of the House committee on health, said it is clear that Poe is “clinically dead” and that his condition is “very serious.” Reps. Santiago and Serapio (KNP, Valenzuela) appealed to the public to include Poe in their prayers.

Santiago and Serapio also urged critics of the gravely ill opposition leader to set aside politics as the actor fights for his life.

Escudero recounted that Poe had complained of dizziness last Friday but had attributed it to his newly-adjusted eyeglasses.

The actor was with friends at the FPJ production studio on Del Monte Ave., Quezon City when he complained of dizziness and later slumped on the table at about 11 p.m. last Saturday.

Although still conscious, the actor was bodily taken to a van by Escudero and other supporters to the St. Lukes Medical Center.

“He was conscious, but was disoriented when we took him to the hospital,” said Escudero.

A few minutes before the stroke, Poe called boxing championManny Pacquiao to congratulate him for his victory that night against Thai opponent Fahsan 3-K Battery. (Ben R. Rosario) Vice President offers prayers for FPJ Earlier yesterday, Vice President Noli de Castro joined Fernando Poe Jr.s family, friends, and supporters in praying for him.

“My family is praying for the recovery of Fernando Poe Jr., an icon and a pillar in the Philippine movie industry,” De Castro said in a statement.

De Castro also called on the Filipino people to pray for the recovery of Poe.

“We are giving our support and sympathy to the family of Mr. Poe. May the Lord guide them in this ordeal and give them the strength to surpass this trial,” De Castro said.

“I urge the nation as well to continue praying for the recovery of Mr. Poe. Our prayers are what Mr. Poe and his family need right now,” he added.

Poe suffered a stroke last Saturday night and is confined at the intensive care unit (ICU) of the St. Lukes Medical Center in Quezon City. (David Cagahastian)

13 comments to Can you prepare for the second baby?

  • I have a 23 month old and a 3 month old. My response to all of your questions is that things will work themselves out when your baby gets here. I know. Not what you wanted to hear, but it’s so true! I stressed so much about how we’d figure out routines and breastfeeding and the night-time parenting stuff for, I realize now, no good reason. My second daughter is a “easy-going” baby so I just work her schedule into my toddler’s. I don’t co-sleep with her like I did with my first, mainly because she’s a different kind of baby who doesn’t need that. My toddler who did need that as a baby still need assistance with night time sleep, but it’s not as bad as it once was. My husband helps her at night and I’m with the baby. Email me at mommyhoodnextright@gmail.com if you have any more questions. Trust me, when the baby gets here, it’ll all make sense!

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  • Having done this a couple of times now, I can tell you that it will all come to you when the baby gets here. Jules was the biggest booby monster ever, but weaned about three months before Jolene arrived. I was CONVINCED that he’d see her nursing and want some too, but that didn’t happen at all. To him, the boobs were for the baby, and he wasn’t the baby.

    The one thing that nobody told me (which seems obvious, but wasn’t) was how HUGE GIGANTIC HUMONGOUS my first baby would seem once the newborn came along. Seriously – when my son came to meet his brother, I was like “WHO IS THIS GIANT AND WHAT DID YOU DO WITH MY SON??!!” And now that I’m a doula, I see that reaction from second-time-moms every single time. We’ve easily forgotten how small newborn babies look and feel, but then we see their older sibling, and it causes the older child to age INSTANTLY. Pretty soon, Ryan won’t seem like a baby at all. ;)

    You’ll figure the rest out in about two seconds. You’ll have to. And you’ll be fine. I wrangle all three of my kids to the store by myself – something I never thought I’d be able to do. But you find a rhythm.

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  • These are great questions and I ask them to myself almost religiously. My daughter is 2.5 and we’re going in tomorrow to work on an induction. Even though I have two older boys I never had them close together so this is a bit different for me.

    I’ve thought about the car seat issue, the night time routine, and breastfeeding {I have a fear my boobs aren’t even going to work!} And then that leaves me returning back to work in April…I don’t want to.

    Anyway, my advice, do the best you can…somehow, someway it all has to fall into place. Surely, right? I mean, if not, people would just stop having babies…wouldnt we? :)

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  • I agree with Jessica, it will all work out. You will find what works for you and your kids. Since you asked, I will answer your questions based on what worked for us. My boys are exactly two years apart, so the age difference is pretty similar. They are now 15 months and 3.

    1. I always got the baby out first. Jack isn’t a runner but I don’t trust him. If I need to get him out first, I have him stand between me and the car as I get his brother out. If using the stroller, get the baby situated in the stroller and then pull it right next to you as you get Ryan out. Jack was helpful enough getting out of the car that I could do it one handed. As for getting in the car, do it in reverse. Older child in first then the baby.

    2. Strollers – I didn’t get a double stroller. Again, Jack isn’t a runner and he has always been good at holding my hand. We do have two strollers and will bust them both out every once in a while, but not often. One thing I didn’t forsee was having to carry the toddler while pushing the stroller. It’s far easier than in looks.

    3. Sleep – So much depends on the baby, but we did slowly put the baby on Jack’s schedule. At first it was just bath/pjs, turning lights down, etc. He didn’t necessarily go to sleep at the same time, but we started a routine fairly early and that routine led to the same bedtime by 2 1/2 months.

    4. Breastfeeding. Jack was weaned before I got pregnant, so my experience is a little different. Jack was never jealous just interested in what was happening.

    Good luck!

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  • Rachel N

    I have 2 boys, ages 7 months and 24 months. So, I had 2 under 2 for 6 months…it is fun but a crazy whirlwind. Here is what we have found works for us:
    1- Depends where you are and how you are planning to transport children. When putting in the car I always put the toddler in first so I don’t have to wonder where he is. At stores, if I am wearing my baby I put him on first and then get the toddler, otherwise I get a cart and then get toddler out first and then baby. When getting home always get baby out first so toddler isn’t running free with no supervision.
    2-Stroller. We have a double stroller and it was wonderful since my youngest hated being worn 80% of the time. We bought an expensive stroller…a Valco twin tri mode and honestly it is easier to push than my single stroller one handed if needed. My son was much too young to walk though last summer, only 18 months so we needed the stroller.
    3-My toddler had been putting himself to sleep at night for a while before the baby was born so that was not an issue for us. At naps he was still rocked but we stopped that once baby came and he had no issues with that. I would say that your son is old enough that a few nights of cry it out will NOT harm him. He knows that mommy and daddy are still there and that they love him. It is up to you of course but I guarantee your life will be so much easier if your toddler can put himself down to sleep. I would just try it, he might surprise you and cry for a few minutes and then be fine. Or you could try letting him listen to music or an audio book while going to sleep, that might work. Our baby had been going to bed at the same time as his brother since about 4 months old. We cut out the evening nap early because he wasn’t wanting to sleep until midnight and we just put him down earlier. You will figure out your groove, don’t worry.
    3- Don’t know about the breastfeeding, my son weaned himself at 13 months so it was not an issue for us.

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  • Megan

    I’ve been following your blog for a while now – I think our first kids are about the same age (mine daughter turned 2 last weekend) and I now have a 12 week old baby girl. I had all the same worries before #2 was born.
    1) I have a minivan. It’s awesome. I never wanted one and now I could not live without it. That being said, even when I have my husbands car, I follow the same in/out routine. My toddler is behind the driver. My baby is behind the passenger. I get out of the car, unbuckle toddler and tell her to climb over to baby’s door. This gives me time to get around to the other side of the car and gives her a sense of “big girl” independence. Then I open baby’s door, take her out, and then get toddler out. I reverse the process to put them back in the car — toddler in, ask her to climb over to her seat, baby in, shut door. Walk around to drivers side, open door, buckle toddler, close door and then I get in. Sounds like a lot as I type it, but it works for me. I get them both in and out of my hands from the same door…

    2) I have a single stroller and then a Beco, Hotsling, and a Ring Sling. One child gets the stroller, the other gets carried (or toddler walks). The Beco and the Ring Sling comfortably hold either child with only minor adjustments.

    3) Call it a nap or call it bedtime – baby goes down at 730 with toddler. Though, I do dream feed baby just before I go to bed around 1030. Both sleep until 730 or 8am… this is just luck i think….

    4) Toddler weaned at 16.5 months. I was about 4 months pregnant at the time. Toddler asked to nurse again when seeing baby nurse, but then decided she didn’t want to. The jealousy for us is that toddler yells “no baby, that’s my nipple” when baby needs to nurse. I’ve curbed this by trying to feed baby when toddler is also eating and explaining that big girls get table food and special things, but baby gets milk… I also give toddler sippys of pumped milk when she asks for mommy’s milk.

    While there probably isn’t anything I can say that will curb your anxieties/nerves, the first time you hold them both and look in to their eyes will be awesome. I LOVE nights when I am rubbing toddlers head as she falls asleep and nursing baby at the same time. It makes all the craziness of the day completely worth it :) Enjoy!

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  • Megan

    ^^ ps ignore typos/grammatical errors… after 2 years, typing while nursing is still a skill I need to master :)

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  • Know this: Your sweet baby girl WILL survive if she has to cry for a couple minutes while you get Ryan something to eat or turn on a movie or whatever. 98% of the time, the older child’s needs can be met faster… so it’ll relieve a lot of your stress if you realize that now instead of later and have 2 screaming kids while you try to multitask. Focus on what Ryan needs and get to it quickly… then feed/change/snuggle that new baby :)

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  • olivia rubin

    friend having unexpected third

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  • abbi

    I have 5 kids with my youngest 2 being only 13 months apart. The only one I thought would have issues was my 3rd child because he was such a momma’s boy. While my husband was at work one day I decided to buy him a baby doll. My husband didn’t agree with his SON having a doll but I thought while I did things with my baby he could do it with his and get use to the thought of having a baby. I tried to let him help me as much as possible which really seemed to work. After the baby was born my husband saw how much that baby doll helped and he actually thought it was a good idea. Logan’s baby only stayed around for a couple of months after the new baby was born and my husband was happy with that too :) Good luck!

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  • Jenny

    What I’ve learned and worked for us this last year w/2 15 months apart: Getting them out of the car-unbuckle Ryan, but leave him sitting in a spare seat or still sitting in the carseat. Then pull out Baby and go back to his side of the car and hold his hand as he jumps down. Opposite for getting in. Oldest in first, but not buckled yet-just safely waiting in the car. Now, a year later, we just have the rule “Hand on the car, or “touch the car”. I now pull him out first and he stands patiently waiting with his hand somewhere on the car where I can see him. With the stroller, they both liked our double one, but there were times I’d use one of those umbrella strollers and my son liked being the “pusher”. Sleeping-that just sucked for awhile, but now that she’s about a year old their scheudules sometimes match…Breastfeeding, I don’t know when my son stopped he never tried coming back. Though he was JEALOUS of all the time my daughter got w/me when she fed so I tried to get him to come back, but he wouldn’t. This next time I’m going to make sure to do the “breastfeeding basket” that I’ve heard about. Special items or treats only used when you’re feeding Baby. Good luck! I know those mama instincts will figure it all out pretty quickly!

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  • The gap between my first and second child is 22 months. The gap between my second and third child is 19 months. I’ve done this a few times and love the other posters advice. It’s true that your motherly instincts will just work. It’s amazing but somehow, you know what to do and your heart makes room!

    [Reply]

  • Sheena

    I’m really glad you wrote this post as I have had some of the same questions! And thank you to everyone who has commented; it makes me a little less anxious!

    [Reply]

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