I know I just posted about c-sections and sometimes I wonder how much babble about it my readers can handle, but I’ve been meaning to write about these issues for awhile and I wanted to address some of the comments on my last post… so I decided now was a good time for this post. Thanks for putting up with me

I feel I’ve made tremendous progress in dealing with my c-section. I still rant about it on occasion, but much less tears. I don’t know the stages of grieving… when does anger come in? I think that’s where I am. Some days I’m even like “yea I had a c-section, who cares? no big deal” and other days I’m still a mess. I think the “who cares” days are a coping mechanism, because of course I still care–a lot.

Two things in this post. First–there are 2 fairly recent realizations I’ve had about my c-section that I’m having trouble getting past. Second–a response to many of the comments on my last c-section post.

First… The hospital stay, the surgery, the mother-baby unit… it’s all blurry. Random memories pop into my head, even still. And right now, there are two that I absolutely cannot get past. They’ve been lingering in the back of my mind for probably a month now (that’s how behind I am on writing this post). These two things… I’m not sure I can ever get past… I get SO very angry thinking about them. Ok.… first.…. I felt the pressure. I think it’s the closest thing I have to feeling anything of a natural birth. I’ve heard that when it’s time to push, you will know it–no questions asked. So obviously I wasn’t there, but I definitely felt the downward pressure. I remember getting really excited and when the nurse came in the room, I told her about it–in my super excited, smiley voice, like “the baby is coming soon!” But.… the nurse completely discounted my feelings. She told me the pressure couldn’t possibly be the baby. She made me think that maybe I had to go to the bathroom. Or that I couldn’t really feel it because I had an epidural. I remember being SO disappointed, my body physically slumped down. And I totally believed her. I thought “oh shoooooot, this isn’t it, I’m not close yet.” But I KNOW that’s what it was. I was at 8 cm and had just gone to +1 station. It breaks my heart. That was the feeling of him moving down (not being stuck), that was the feeling of  the beginning of delivery. How much longer till it was time to push? How much longer did I need? a;slkjfd;alskjfda;lsdjf;lakdjf

The second thing… damned if I do, damned if I don’t. They told me I needed an internal monitor to check the strength of my contractions (because I wasn’t progressing “fast enough.”) They said if the monitor showed that my contractions weren’t strong enough, even with all that freakin’ pitocin, I’d need a c-section. I freaked out, they put in the monitor and after awhile a nurse came in to look at the charts. I asked her what the contraction strength looked like and she frowned and said it looked like they were NOT strong enough (= c-section) but that the OB would have to look at them. I freaked out some more. The OB came in and she said–well, the contractions are strong enough!–and I distinctly remember smiling and getting really excited. Oh THANK GOD! That means they’re okay and I don’t need a c-section, whoohoo!! .…… and then the OB continued her sentence… “So what that means is that they’re strong enough but they’re not doing anything. they aren’t doing their job. And we don’t know why. He’s probably stuck and too big to fit out. So, you need a c-section.” Heartbreak. I sobbed, immediately. WHY didn’t I realize in that moment what they just did to me?! I didn’t realize it for months afterward.

If the contractions are NOT strong enough, I need a c-section. If the contractions ARE strong enough, it means they aren’t working and I need a c-section. WTF?! CAN SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME WHAT THE EFF WAS THE POINT OF THE INTERNAL MONITOR IF I WAS DAMNED EITHER WAY. PLEASE. WHY why why did I not see their nasty, sneaky, manipulative ways?!?!?! Why didn’t I notice?! The outcome was c-section in their minds no matter what the fuck the charts said. I HATE PEOPLE. and now I’m crying. Who can help me get past these two things?! BLAH.

Second… I got quite a few comments in my last c-section post telling me not to worry, it’s not my fault, etc. Thank you, really–I know you all mean well and are trying to help me out. But it’s so much easier said than done. I had an unnecessary c-section and I still replay that last moment in my head over and over. The moment we consented to the surgery. (I know it’s not healthy to play the “what if” game, but I can’t help it, yet). What if I said no one more time? What if I asked for 1 more hour? What if… ? So yes, of course I still feel like it was my fault I ended up with the c-section, even though I know you will all tell me it was the system that failed me. I’m not there yet, okay? I hope one day I will get there, absolutely. But I’m not yet.

So yes, there are long-term side effects of having c-sections and if I have any of them, or if Ryan has any of them, I will of course feel that it is my fault because I feel that the c-section was my fault. For now, anyway, that’s how I feel.

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Seriously, I feel like every day I learn another effect of cesarean sections. This damn thing is going to haunt me the rest of my life, I’m sure of it. Some are absolutely awful (fertility issues) and some are not AS bad, but either way–I will always feel that the effects are my fault. If I miscarry, if I can’t get pregnant, if Ryan has allergies or anything else. My fault.

Which brings me to the side effect I learned about today.… celiac disease in children. Data from almost 2,000 children was analyzed for a recent study. They looked at celiac disease, Crohn’s disease, ulcerative colitis and other gastrointestinal diseases. They found that children born by c-section were 80% more likely to have celiac disease than children born normally. There was no association found with the other diseases. Celiac disease causes a reaction to gluten, which can damage the lining of the small intestine.

Why? Possibly because children born by c-section don’t pick up those extra microbes obtained by passing through the birth canal–those good microbes that help ward off pathogens.

Celiac rates are on the rise. Hmmmm, so are c-section rates. I know correlation doesn’t mean causation, but it makes you think. I came across this article because someone on my ICAN email list posted it. She got a few responses from other ICAN members who mentioned their c-section babies had gluten issues/celiac disease.

Anyone out there have experience with this????? I’d love to hear personal stories. Even though it all makes me flipping sick. I feel like I need to send all these articles to the OB who cut me open because when I asked her the risks of my c-section, she said “general risks of surgery.” PERIOD. There was NO mention of infections, incontinence, infertility, rupture, blood loss, LONG-TERM risks. NOTHING. Effing disgrace to women. (but if Ryan is affected.…. it’s still my fault).

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I didn’t learn until AFTER my cesarean that they can result in fertility issues later on–I cried for days. If an egg tries to attach to the incision site on my uterus, I will lose it and miscarry. I would be beyond devastated–not only for the loss of the baby, but because my cesarean was the cause (meaning I was the cause… it would be my fault, all over again). I am not sure that is something I would be able to deal with… needless to say, as much as I want another baby, I’m terrified.

I am not on antidepressants and don’t believe I need them. But I can imagine that many women take some form after birth (postpartum depression), especially after a cesarean (added trauma). I get emails from naturalnews.com and the headline today made me cry.… anything related to birth usually makes me cry :/ .… and I felt I had to share what it said, for all the other mamas that are out there. I had never heard this before so it’s news to me–maybe it’s not to the rest of you??

Antidepressants during pregnancy cause alarming 68% increased risk of miscarriage. It has been known that antidepressants used during the first trimester of pregnancy may increase the risk of birth defects, especially heart problems. A study recently published in the Canadian Medical Association Journal stated that almost 4% of pregnant women take these types of drugs at some point in their first trimester.… and the new study says this increases their risk of miscarriage by 68%. The study analyzed classes, types and doses of drugs and collected information on 5,124 women who had miscarried by week 20 and compared them to similar women who carried to full term. Of the women who miscarried, 284 were on antidepressants.

I decided to google what the risk of miscarriage is in the first trimester… a 68% increase seems huge, but if the risk is really tiny to begin with, antidepressants move the risk from “really tiny” to “tiny.” Well, the chance of miscarriage is about 10–20%. So the use of antidepressants raise that risk to 16.8–33.6% (if I did my math correctly). That does concern me, that is pretty high. If 1 in 3 women end up with a cesarean (and I was one), I hate the nearly 1 in 3 odds just created by those drugs for a miscarriage.

Anyway, I just wanted to spread the word. I realize there may not be anything some women on antidepressants can do, but if they weren’t aware of this, at least now they have a reason. Now they may know WHY they’re miscarrying, and I think that would help, even just a little.

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I don’t trust the FDA. At all. “FDA Approved” means diddly-squat to me. But that’s not what this post is for, so let’s not get into it. This post is for WHO. The World Health Organization… who I would like to believe works for the people (for real). I mean, they do recommend breastfeeding until the age of 2 so they can’t be too bad, right?!

Then I read this and I don’t know what to think–it’s hard to trust anyone. WHO scandal exposed: advisors received kickbacks from H1N1 vaccine manufacturers.

H1N1 is another thing I never went for–even though I was pregnant at the time of the “scare” and was top on the list to receive the vaccine. Uh-uh, no thanks, count me out.

Now, this article says there’s a report (published in the British Medical Journal) revealing that the top scientists who convinced the WHO to declare an H1N1 global pandemic held (surprise, surprise) close financial ties to the drug companies that profited from the sale of those vaccines. Really, are you shocked?

The article goes on to say that during all of this, the WHO refused to disclose any conflicts of interest between its top advisors and the drug companies that would benefit financially. The kickbacks were kept silent and the WHO didn’t think the rest of us needed to know that the people wanting the pandemic declared stood to make a fortune.

I’m so frustrated with.… people. What do you think? Had anyone else heard about this or know any more information about it? I got this in one of my email newsletters and don’t really have any time to research it further. But I completely believe it happened and I’m not at all surprised. And that is disappointing.

No related posts.

Yea, you heard me. Breastfeeding gets in the way of husband and wife. Didn’t you know that if your husband sees you breastfeeding, your breasts become a mere feeding station–a cafeteria–rather than the “scintillating piece of flesh” that they are?!

I’m sorry, but I thought that’s what breasts were for. I realize that men enjoy them and that helps the process of procreation, but–I thought the purpose of boobs were to feed your young.

Well that’s not what Rabbi Shmuley Boteach thinks. He hosts TLC’s Shalom in the Home and wrote the book “Kosher Adultery,” which talks about the sin of putting your child before your spouse. Apparently breastfeeding your child–providing them with the best thing possible–is putting your spouse second (and it’s a sin).

When discussing a couple with a rocky marriage, he says “their sex life had died completely, and one of the main causes was the mother’s obsession with breast-feeding well into the child’s 11th month. The baby was attached to his mother like a limb, and he even slept with her every night, consigning her husband to a different bedroom.”

Oh.my.god. heaven forbid that little child sleeps in HER BED! What is the world coming to?! That poor, poor husband.… he must be so lonely in the other room alone. I wonder why they don’t invest in a king size bed? I also wonder why the husband feels his needs are more important than the child’s.

And the wife is OBESESSING over breastfeeding because her child is 11 months old?! I call that being a good mother. A great mother who is providing for her baby. This gem of a man says “a wife who spends a year giving all her emotional and physical attention to the baby has left her marriage a barren wasteland, bereft of romance and affection.”

I’ve been breastfeeding for 5 months and plan to for at least a year. Ask my husband, our marriage is not at all barren or void of romance and affection. In fact, asked him what happened an hour ago when Ryan was napping. “If breastfeeding gets in the way of the marriage–if it means that a husband and wife never go out on dates, or that the mother is so tired from always waking up with the baby that she has no energy to ever be intimate with her husband–the child will probably end up worse off, however many colds or bouts with diarrhea he now avoids [by breastfeeding].”

I agree that a child in a loveless household will have some issues. I do not agree that breastfeeding is the cause of that. Breastfeeding cannot make two people fall out of love. It would seem to me that the couple this article refers to must be having other issues. I exclusively breastfeed, but Ryan is not attached to me 24/7. There’s also this thing called a PUMP. If you want your husband to take turns feeding at night or if you want to go out on a date one night… pump and feed from a bottle.

The second page of this disgusting piece of crap: “Dads–be there, but don’t watch the birth.” What would happen to this world if men suddenly viewed this erotic part of a woman’s body as a “mere birth canal.” Can’t it be both? Shouldn’t a man witness the miracle of birth? The strength and determination of his wife? I only wish I could have given my husband that gift [I had a c-section].

Ya know what I think? This guy has some serious mommy issues. Or daddy issues. Probably both. He even says “When I was a young boy, all I wanted to see was two parents who loved each other… I would take the diarrhea and cough any day over the permanent sense of brokenness that affects children of divorce.”

Mr. Boteach, I am truly sorry your parents got a divorce and it left you feeling broken. But I strongly disbelieve the source of their frustration was breastfeeding–or the view of her body during birth as utilitarian rather than sexy. (BTW, I’d say birth [and breastfeeding] is damn sexy. It’s a woman’s body doing what it was made to do.]

“The erotic nature of a wife’s body is one of the principal elements of attraction in marriage. When a husband ceases to see his wife as a woman, and begins to see her as “the mother of his children,” a negative trend has begun in his mind that can only subvert his erotic interest.”

I think I just threw up. Viewing your wife as the mother of your children is… utilitarian? Unromantic? Alienating? My husband tells me quite often that I’m sexier now than I ever was before BECAUSE I am the mother of his child.

“Our kids are getting screwed up, not because of their infant nutrition, but because in most households, children rarely witness a father and mother who are still passionately in love with each other.”

Fine. That may be true, but please… take your mommy issues, figure them out, and don’t place your blame on the miracle of birth and breastfeeding. Don’t give the best thing in the world a bad name for those who haven’t tried it yet. If breastfeeding is going to tear a marriage apart, the marriage probably wasn’t going to last anyway.

What do you think? Has the view of birth or the breastfeeding of your child affected your marriage??? Do you think it could???

*(This is in response to an article, written by Mr. Boteach himself, and posted on beliefnet.com… I didn’t link to it because I don’t think they deserve the traffic. Most of it–his most intelligent comments–is quoted here.)*

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