Mommy’s new vocabulary

Yes, it’s true that I’ve said “poop” more times in the last 8 months than I’ve said in my previous 25 years of life–or some form of it: poo, stinkies, poopoo, stinky butt, doodoo, or if I’m feeling really crazy it’s “did stinky butt go poopoodooooodiddly doodoo?”

The same is true for farts. Toots, tootoos, poot, pooty, stinky… and it’s no wonder children grow up to think poop and farts are silly–every time I hear one of them come from my tiny lil boy, I get a huge smile (ya, who would have thought?!) and say, “what did you just do??!!!” with such enthusiasm you’d think he just cured cancer or landed on the moon. Sometimes I clap and laugh, or even say GOOD JOB!

Words and actions that have entered my every day life (even when Ryan is not around):

“bye-bye!”
blowing bubbles or raspberries
my motherese tone (think high pitched and too happy)
“good job!”
“nuhh-uhhh”

And I’m sure this habit only gets worse as time goes on. I catch myself talking to my cats this way (ok, not a big deal), but when I start talking that way to my in-laws… or my students… just call me mom.

But what’s funny? That’s not what this post is about.

MY new vocabulary includes all the bad words in the book. If you know me in real life, you know I don’t swear. It’s just not something I’ve ever done and to have any of those words come out of my mouth is completely awkward. Was completely awkward.

Now? Mother f*#king $h*t. It seems like I use a swear word in nearly every sentence. Having a baby tests your patience like you wouldn’t believe… some days I think “hell yea I totally ROCK this patience thing.” Other days I’m like “get me the EFF out of here, Ryan is going out the window and the next person I see is getting punched in the effing face.”┬áReplace any nice terms with more vulgar ones.

Just about everything is now extreme enough to deserve an expletive. Phone rings and it’s on the other side of the room: ^&$*. We’re out of ice?! *&^$. Ohhh, #%^* I just dropped my notebook. %^& #$%*, I just missed the green light. WHAT THE #%^@ is this dirty dish doing on the @$#%&* counter?! and WHY are these clothes still in the ^%$@ dryer?! The house is a &*# mess. We don’t have any *&$ ice cream and my @#&(* boobs hurt from nursing all night long.

I keep reminding myself I better stop this &*%^& habit before Ryan starts talking! That’s the LAST thing we need–proof for the rest of the world that we suck as parents when our toddler says “%^& you!” when someone budges us in line at the grocery store.

I sound like a b^&*$ don’t I? I know I’m not the only one…. let’s hear from all the other mothers out there–what’s YOUR favorite word?!

25 comments to Mommy’s new vocabulary

  • As much as I wish all of us mom’s had the best patience, it’s nice to hear that I’m not the only one dropping the f-bomb and losing my s#@t.

    [Reply]

  • Yeah I totally rock the F-Bomb. Seriously. I have started to make more of an effort to NOT use it but I can’t help it. Either I’m super nice or in super bitch mode. There doesn’t seem to be an in between… ask my friend J.D. what my catch phrase is “Stupid cunt whore bitch!” Anger issues? Not me!

    [Reply]

    babydickey Reply:

    hahaha

    [Reply]

  • Bobbi Janay

    This post had me cracking up and I am the same way.

    [Reply]

  • Before being a mother I like the ever hated C word. But can’t say that anymore. My replacement word is F and S–t

    [Reply]

    babydickey Reply:

    well good for you for actually being able to stop saying the C word! i don’t like that word, but am finding it so hard to stop saying anything else!

    [Reply]

  • yeah i totally say the F word way to mych and the D word. I need to curve it. My youngest son says damn it which is not good for a little one to say so i should really watch my language around him.

    [Reply]

  • excuse me that isnt my little on that says damn it he says what the hell my oldest said damn it. lol to much to keep up with.

    [Reply]

    babydickey Reply:

    haha. what the hell! oh ryan will surely pick up that one as well. my “swear words” used to be heck and crap. too bad things have changed!

    [Reply]

  • Jessica

    My husband and I both swear like sailors. Our son will be 6 months next week and I’ve decided that we need to start breaking the habit now to give us some time to get used to not swearing before he learns to talk. Starting next week, every time one of us swears in front of him, we have to give the other one a dollar.

    [Reply]

  • B

    I am so with you on this one! My little one is 8 months old and has started saying little things like “mama”, “dada” and “baba”, so I know I need to work on this habit, but when you’re home with a baby (or several) and they blow raspberries at breakfast and launch peaches into your freshly washed hair and clothes, is there any more appropriate phrase than “son of a b#$@%!”???

    [Reply]

    babydickey Reply:

    that is the PERFECT phrase!

    [Reply]

  • I’m slightly concerned that one of my daughter’s first words will be “vajayjay”.

    [Reply]

    babydickey Reply:

    hahaha, that’d be one talented little girl!

    [Reply]

  • I curse WAY too much and I’m constantly trying not too but you know how well that’s been going. I can’t even stop cursing in emails etc lol. I HATE the C word so I would NEVER say that! But I really like the eff word!

    [Reply]

    babydickey Reply:

    I hate the C word too!

    [Reply]

  • It is sooooo nice to hear an honest mother willing to not only admit, but blog about her “vocabulary”. I used to try and try to watch my language, but try as I might, I couldn’t break myself. Then I decided I would just have to teach my kids that there is a time and a place (and an age) to use those words and a 4 year old in the grocery store is not it.

    [Reply]

    babydickey Reply:

    Yea good call, may be easier to teach Ryan when/how to use those words rather than make myself stop! I mean, I’m sure he’ll pick them up at some point, from someone – if not me!

    [Reply]

  • I swear all the time too. I never used to as a teenager, and I try not to now but they just fit in so well with nearly every sentence! It is hard to keep it off my blog! I made two separate blogs so I could have a family friendly and an adults only, but I wish I could have found the happy medium so that I wouldn’t have to watch what I type and edit every f&cking post! My favorite? I like calling my husband a dickhole, or an ass hat.

    [Reply]

    babydickey Reply:

    hahaha I like those! oo husband nicknames, that could a whole separate post! lol

    [Reply]

    Missy Reply:

    haha! Definitely. I use these nicknames very lovingly of course. Oddly enough when I am actually mad at him I usually only use Jerk!

    [Reply]

    babydickey Reply:

    hmmm looks like I need to change some font colors of 3rd level replies! As soon as I figure out how….

    [Reply]

  • Haha! Me too. I always have cursed when under lots of stress…. so basically I’ve turned into a sailor. Same thing, too, any little thing sets me off cursing and wanting to HULK SMASH everything in my house. It scares my husband!

    [Reply]

  • Julian's mommy

    I actually used to cuss more before I had my son. I toned it down a lot while I was pregnant but now I’m starting up again, not as bad as before though lol

    [Reply]

  • Stephanie E.

    This post made my @#$%^&* day!!! Soooo hilarious! THANKS!

    [Reply]

Leave a Reply

You can use these HTML tags

<a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <s> <strike> <strong>